I read a blog last week that details her dilemma with religion and how they should raise their children after IVF. It really made me think about the moral and ethical background of IVF and the religious aspects of this way of conceiving. Google, my best friend on most days, came through with great sites. The only problem with the sites is they just gave me information that I have either chosen to ignore or didn't think about in my quest to start a family. Now it seems that every decision I make comes with the questions on whether I am doing the right thing. My heart, soul, gut and conversations with God tell me it is right and it is good. It is now my mind that over analyzes.
Being very open about this process may have backfired. On the religious front it appears that most major religions do not find IVF to be bad. However, some condone the use of a donor. I am of the Christianity faith and to my delight, it is not a sin. Then their are the Catholics. They believe in only one from of conception and that anything else is considered gravely evil. Therefore I am an evil doer. It did not dawn on me that I have friends from every religion and every walk of life - and that some of them might be Catholic or condone such acts. It never crossed my mind that any act I do would result in someone thinking I am evil.
It has always been in my heart that the only one that can judge me is God himself. Someone may not like me or be prejudice about me, but they don't have the right to judge me. And if they do, well they will have to answer to God for that, not me. I had this conversation once with a Jehovah's Wittiness (a friend, not one that came to my door) and while that person agreed, they still judged and thought they were righteous in doing so because that is what their religion had taught them to do. Goodness knows I do not want to have anyone think ill of me. It is not that I really care what they think but I firmly believe that they will be sending out negative thoughts and vibes into the universe which does not help anybody. With that said, I am writing it here to remember this feeling later in life, but I am going to let it go to be in the hands of God. I need to get back to a positive frame of mind. And I urge anyone who is going through this to make sure you are only telling people you know will support you and who don't believe you are an evil doer.
Now for embie news. Out of the 27 follies collected from our miracle worker (ie egg donor), 16 of them were mature. Of those 16 - 8 fertalized! They are more fragile than others so we will not have a possible 3 day transfer. My date at this point is still scheduled for Monday. They want to let the little eggies incubate with as little handling as necessary. Doc might check on them once this weekend but it will be a quick and gentle process as not to disturb them. We are very excited and hope that many of them turn into embryos. But it only takes one!!! I am still amazed and fascinated with this whole process. Miracle life in a petre dish! Incredible!
Kirk and I had a great conversation last night about what will happen in the next few days. He is going to free himself up from work so that he can call in and talk to the doctor with me during my appointment. This is a major relief for me since I don't think I will be able to make any major decisions on my own if something arrises. I think it is a relief and honor for him too since he feels helpless out in the Gulf that he can't be here with me through the process.
My mom flys in on Sunday and will stay with me for a week. It will be nice to have her here to help me with the pups and also help me relax. Oh - maybe she will cook too!!! YUM!!! She is a great cook and I sure do miss all of the traditional Czech recipes!!!
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