Kirk and I are moving forward and making plans for this coming year. I think I may write in my blog about it but won't be so open with family and friends this time. I did not realize how hard it would be everytime someone asked how it was going and had to tell them "it didn't go."
Right now we are focused on moving out of the apartment and into a new house. That nice house we picked out in Sugar Land ended up not being so nice. The owners had smoked in it and it permiated everything. I also found mold in the bathroom. It looked like black mold, but you can never really tell unless you have it tested. And it could have been easily cleaned up. I asked for the house to be professionally cleaned to get rid of the smoke and mold. Well, they must have decided I was too much of a pain and rented to someone else instead. Of course this was after we had signed the lease, but since the owner had not signed there was nothing legal we could do. I did tell them that no matter who rents the house - they will have to clean it by law since it could be hazardous. Oh well. Not our problem. The realtor did not even try to help us find a new place. I think she was intimidated by Kirks tattoos. Hahahaha
So, we set our sites on another house. Our friend found it for us. It is close to where they live so we will at least know people in the neighborhood. This one is in Missouri City and sooooo much nicer! We are very excited to have found it. The yard is a bit small, but the kiddos are getting older now anyway and Bailey does not need miles to run anymore. The pool is small, but probably the perfect size for us. The house has all bamboo floors and tile. We have to do some painting in the bedrooms but other than that it is perfectly set up for us. The owners must have been LSU fans - we have to paint a purple bedroom and a yellow bedroom! :)
We continue to pack and should have it complete by Saturday. Hopefully she will give us the keys on Sunday so we can go in and paint. Our move is not until Tuesday.
My drive will be about 25 miles. It is the longest I have ever had to drive for work. But I am looking forward to being in that house so much that the drive does not bother me...yet.
Everyone at work is on a new fad diet called Dukan. I was thinking about trying it but I want to wait until after the move is complete. It is very much like Atkins, but lean. Right now is the time to do it for me because it would be easy to cut out fruit. I can't do that in the summer because there are just too many delicious fruits that come up in the spring and summer. Plus maybe I can get back down to my normal weight by Christmas.
Work has been busy busy busy. I am really enjoying the non-down time. I had too much of it on my hands before. The work keeps me focused. Kirk is on and off again busy. He went on a 3 day job last week and won't go back out again until after we move. I think this company is keeping him busier than his previous employers did - plus he can live with me instead of a different state like last year at this time. It makes it less stressful for both of us when he is home.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Here we are
Here we are, a little over a week later and things are settling down. I started exercising this weekend and have been walking the stairs at work (6 flights = 138 steps). I am already sore. Tonight I will take it easy and just take the kiddos for a nice long walk.
This past weekend was a busy one for us. We bought a new bed - one of those temper pedic clouds. We don't have it yet since we decided to wait until we move and then have it delivered to the new place. We are very excited to get it. And it is a King - so it is big enough for the kiddos too!!! We also signed the lease on a house in Sugar Land. I am happy to move back to my old stomping grounds. It will add 28 miles round trip for work - but it should be worth it. The house is 3 bedroom, 2 bath with a den like area. It has a perfect size pool and spa in the backyard along with a big yard for the kiddos to run and play. There is more house than I know what to do with so it will be fun trying to fill it up! LOL I am sure Kirk won't be too excited about spending more money!
We are not sure about our move date yet. We have to be out of the apartment by the 31st. The owner of the house will have everything moved out by the 22nd. I want to give her time to get it cleaned up really well too since they were smokers and I can still smell it in there. First priority for them is to clean the carpets and clean the blinds.
Kirk is very excited to have a bigger kitchen to cook in and a pool to hang out in the rest of the day. Other than football season, he usually spends most of his time outside. I am sure he can't wait to get out into that yard and play ball with Bailey - then both jump in the pool! I can already tell I am going to have a water dog on my hands! Sadie only wants to get in the pool if I am in it. She actually hates it but wants to be close to me so she tolerates it when she has to.
Packing is our main plan for the rest of this month. I plan on doing it slowly so I can get rid of the stuff we don't need. We are not sure if Kirk will be home for the move or not. If he is, then hopefully we can gather enough friends to help us move. If not, we will hire a company to do it for us. Either way, it should be an easy day since we really don't have that much.
Work has been keeping me busy. I am enjoying the up time and am looking forward to all the projects I have in the coming months. Kirk is off for another week or so before he goes on his next job. I love having him home and am fortunate that I can spend this time with him!
This past weekend was a busy one for us. We bought a new bed - one of those temper pedic clouds. We don't have it yet since we decided to wait until we move and then have it delivered to the new place. We are very excited to get it. And it is a King - so it is big enough for the kiddos too!!! We also signed the lease on a house in Sugar Land. I am happy to move back to my old stomping grounds. It will add 28 miles round trip for work - but it should be worth it. The house is 3 bedroom, 2 bath with a den like area. It has a perfect size pool and spa in the backyard along with a big yard for the kiddos to run and play. There is more house than I know what to do with so it will be fun trying to fill it up! LOL I am sure Kirk won't be too excited about spending more money!
We are not sure about our move date yet. We have to be out of the apartment by the 31st. The owner of the house will have everything moved out by the 22nd. I want to give her time to get it cleaned up really well too since they were smokers and I can still smell it in there. First priority for them is to clean the carpets and clean the blinds.
Kirk is very excited to have a bigger kitchen to cook in and a pool to hang out in the rest of the day. Other than football season, he usually spends most of his time outside. I am sure he can't wait to get out into that yard and play ball with Bailey - then both jump in the pool! I can already tell I am going to have a water dog on my hands! Sadie only wants to get in the pool if I am in it. She actually hates it but wants to be close to me so she tolerates it when she has to.
Packing is our main plan for the rest of this month. I plan on doing it slowly so I can get rid of the stuff we don't need. We are not sure if Kirk will be home for the move or not. If he is, then hopefully we can gather enough friends to help us move. If not, we will hire a company to do it for us. Either way, it should be an easy day since we really don't have that much.
Work has been keeping me busy. I am enjoying the up time and am looking forward to all the projects I have in the coming months. Kirk is off for another week or so before he goes on his next job. I love having him home and am fortunate that I can spend this time with him!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Great Expectations
It is over. My test results came in on Friday as a Big Fat Negative (BFN). I think it would have been easier on me if I knew it just didn't take. But unfortunately I know better. I carried it until either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. When I woke up Wednesday something was different. The cramps had completely disappeared. Then by the afternoon I started getting cramps that made it hard to breathe. I knew then that it was over but I did not want to believe it. I kept telling myself that this was just the next phase.
By Thursday I started to get scared so I took an at home test - BFN. I cried the rest of the evening and all through the night. Everyone I talked to said that those tests don't work like the blood tests and not to worry. But I knew. Friday morning was my blood test and of course I really was not shocked when the news came in. But by then my head was swimming with defeat and failure that I could no longer function at work. I took the rest of the day off to collect myself.
Our baby lived 15 days from conception. I guess he was just not strong enough. He tried. I tried. But in the end it was just not enough. Now comes the second hardest part for me. My body has yet to release it. It should be some time this week. I know it is going to be very tough on me. And in turn, it will make it tough on Kirk.
Kirk finally got home last night. It is such a relief to have him home. Just to be held in his arms and feel his comfort is more than words can describe.
I had such great expectations for this IVF. In my mind I was 100% sure it would work. I did all the right things and kept my mind positive. My body was healthy and strong. I had just enough "cushion". It could not have been a more perfect environment...at least that is what I thought. I guess I will never know if there is more I could have done. I am sure all of us that go through this feel this horrid pain of failure. Not only did I fail me and this baby but I failed my husband.
We will go back to the doctor this week to hear him out, maybe see what other options we have. Unfortunately, this one took more money than we had anticipated. Going through it again would be financially impossible right now.
I guess the one thing good about losing a dream is that now you can start creating another dream. Kirk and I will be okay in the end. We are strong and the most important part is that we have each other. We will find our next dream together and do our best, again, to make it come true.
By Thursday I started to get scared so I took an at home test - BFN. I cried the rest of the evening and all through the night. Everyone I talked to said that those tests don't work like the blood tests and not to worry. But I knew. Friday morning was my blood test and of course I really was not shocked when the news came in. But by then my head was swimming with defeat and failure that I could no longer function at work. I took the rest of the day off to collect myself.
Our baby lived 15 days from conception. I guess he was just not strong enough. He tried. I tried. But in the end it was just not enough. Now comes the second hardest part for me. My body has yet to release it. It should be some time this week. I know it is going to be very tough on me. And in turn, it will make it tough on Kirk.
Kirk finally got home last night. It is such a relief to have him home. Just to be held in his arms and feel his comfort is more than words can describe.
I had such great expectations for this IVF. In my mind I was 100% sure it would work. I did all the right things and kept my mind positive. My body was healthy and strong. I had just enough "cushion". It could not have been a more perfect environment...at least that is what I thought. I guess I will never know if there is more I could have done. I am sure all of us that go through this feel this horrid pain of failure. Not only did I fail me and this baby but I failed my husband.
We will go back to the doctor this week to hear him out, maybe see what other options we have. Unfortunately, this one took more money than we had anticipated. Going through it again would be financially impossible right now.
I guess the one thing good about losing a dream is that now you can start creating another dream. Kirk and I will be okay in the end. We are strong and the most important part is that we have each other. We will find our next dream together and do our best, again, to make it come true.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
2WW
I am still in my 2WW (2 week wait). The first week went by quickly since my mom was here to keep my mind off things. I only had one brake down over only having 1 embie to transfer.
My Mom left on Sunday and I have been alone ever since. I have been dwelling on when to get my testing done. I originally wanted to wait for Kirk to come home. But as my 2WW comes closer, I found that I am running out of PIO. I figure I can go get tested on Friday before I have the RX refilled. That way if I don't need to spend the money on the medications, I don't have to.
I just scheduled my testing for 8:00 AM Friday morning. I won't have any results until the afternoon. Lets hope and pray for a BFP (Big Fat Positive)!!!
I have also had really bad cramping throughout this process. When I made my appointment I asked the nurse about it because I was worried that it was bad. She explained that it is normal and I should not worry. That gave me some much needed relief.
This week is a little tough on me since I am all alone. I am trying to work, find a new place to live, help Kirk with some paperwork while he is offshore, take care of the kiddos, etc. Bailey is my biggest problem. He wants to attack every animal he sees when we go for walks. He is big enough that he could easily knock me off my feet (yes, it has happened many times before). I have to be extra cautious with him when we go out and it puts a strain on me to be that tense and on guard. So far we have been very lucky. But when Kirk gets home, Bailey boy will be heading for some much needed training to stop this and a few other bad habits he is picking up.
My Mom left on Sunday and I have been alone ever since. I have been dwelling on when to get my testing done. I originally wanted to wait for Kirk to come home. But as my 2WW comes closer, I found that I am running out of PIO. I figure I can go get tested on Friday before I have the RX refilled. That way if I don't need to spend the money on the medications, I don't have to.
I just scheduled my testing for 8:00 AM Friday morning. I won't have any results until the afternoon. Lets hope and pray for a BFP (Big Fat Positive)!!!
I have also had really bad cramping throughout this process. When I made my appointment I asked the nurse about it because I was worried that it was bad. She explained that it is normal and I should not worry. That gave me some much needed relief.
This week is a little tough on me since I am all alone. I am trying to work, find a new place to live, help Kirk with some paperwork while he is offshore, take care of the kiddos, etc. Bailey is my biggest problem. He wants to attack every animal he sees when we go for walks. He is big enough that he could easily knock me off my feet (yes, it has happened many times before). I have to be extra cautious with him when we go out and it puts a strain on me to be that tense and on guard. So far we have been very lucky. But when Kirk gets home, Bailey boy will be heading for some much needed training to stop this and a few other bad habits he is picking up.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
PUPO
Monday was the big day. I went in at 11:30 and they were ready for me right away. I changed into my scrubs - my mom had to put on scrubs to be with me too.
The nurse checked my tummy to make sure I had enough water. I had to have 32 ounces in my bladder so they could direct the catheter into my uterus by ultrasound. Once I was full the nurse called the doc. I was so nervous waiting on him.
When the Doc came in he described to us (Kirk is on the phone at this time as well) that out of the 8 fertilized eggs we only had one grow to 8 cells and become an embryo. The rest grew to 6 cells and then they all just quit growing. So we only had one to transfer. They were going to watch the rest for another day to see if they would grow to be frozen, but the Doc did not have high hopes for them. They were just too fragile.
With only one, I am still very excited - because after all it only takes one! I am hoping this one is a fighter. The whole procedure lasted less then 10 minutes. I was instructed to lay for about 10 minutes and then was free to go home and relax. The next day should have been business as usual but I took it off just to be safe. By Wednesday I was back to work.
My tummy is crampy but for the most part I am doing just fine. My butt is getting more tender from the PIO (progesterone in oil) shot. I feel really bruised.
So....as my good friend says - I am PUPO - Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!!!! Welcome home little one! We are praying for you!!!
The nurse checked my tummy to make sure I had enough water. I had to have 32 ounces in my bladder so they could direct the catheter into my uterus by ultrasound. Once I was full the nurse called the doc. I was so nervous waiting on him.
When the Doc came in he described to us (Kirk is on the phone at this time as well) that out of the 8 fertilized eggs we only had one grow to 8 cells and become an embryo. The rest grew to 6 cells and then they all just quit growing. So we only had one to transfer. They were going to watch the rest for another day to see if they would grow to be frozen, but the Doc did not have high hopes for them. They were just too fragile.
With only one, I am still very excited - because after all it only takes one! I am hoping this one is a fighter. The whole procedure lasted less then 10 minutes. I was instructed to lay for about 10 minutes and then was free to go home and relax. The next day should have been business as usual but I took it off just to be safe. By Wednesday I was back to work.
My tummy is crampy but for the most part I am doing just fine. My butt is getting more tender from the PIO (progesterone in oil) shot. I feel really bruised.
So....as my good friend says - I am PUPO - Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!!!! Welcome home little one! We are praying for you!!!
Friday, September 16, 2011
The Issue and Embryo update
I read a blog last week that details her dilemma with religion and how they should raise their children after IVF. It really made me think about the moral and ethical background of IVF and the religious aspects of this way of conceiving. Google, my best friend on most days, came through with great sites. The only problem with the sites is they just gave me information that I have either chosen to ignore or didn't think about in my quest to start a family. Now it seems that every decision I make comes with the questions on whether I am doing the right thing. My heart, soul, gut and conversations with God tell me it is right and it is good. It is now my mind that over analyzes.
Being very open about this process may have backfired. On the religious front it appears that most major religions do not find IVF to be bad. However, some condone the use of a donor. I am of the Christianity faith and to my delight, it is not a sin. Then their are the Catholics. They believe in only one from of conception and that anything else is considered gravely evil. Therefore I am an evil doer. It did not dawn on me that I have friends from every religion and every walk of life - and that some of them might be Catholic or condone such acts. It never crossed my mind that any act I do would result in someone thinking I am evil.
It has always been in my heart that the only one that can judge me is God himself. Someone may not like me or be prejudice about me, but they don't have the right to judge me. And if they do, well they will have to answer to God for that, not me. I had this conversation once with a Jehovah's Wittiness (a friend, not one that came to my door) and while that person agreed, they still judged and thought they were righteous in doing so because that is what their religion had taught them to do. Goodness knows I do not want to have anyone think ill of me. It is not that I really care what they think but I firmly believe that they will be sending out negative thoughts and vibes into the universe which does not help anybody. With that said, I am writing it here to remember this feeling later in life, but I am going to let it go to be in the hands of God. I need to get back to a positive frame of mind. And I urge anyone who is going through this to make sure you are only telling people you know will support you and who don't believe you are an evil doer.
Now for embie news. Out of the 27 follies collected from our miracle worker (ie egg donor), 16 of them were mature. Of those 16 - 8 fertalized! They are more fragile than others so we will not have a possible 3 day transfer. My date at this point is still scheduled for Monday. They want to let the little eggies incubate with as little handling as necessary. Doc might check on them once this weekend but it will be a quick and gentle process as not to disturb them. We are very excited and hope that many of them turn into embryos. But it only takes one!!! I am still amazed and fascinated with this whole process. Miracle life in a petre dish! Incredible!
Kirk and I had a great conversation last night about what will happen in the next few days. He is going to free himself up from work so that he can call in and talk to the doctor with me during my appointment. This is a major relief for me since I don't think I will be able to make any major decisions on my own if something arrises. I think it is a relief and honor for him too since he feels helpless out in the Gulf that he can't be here with me through the process.
My mom flys in on Sunday and will stay with me for a week. It will be nice to have her here to help me with the pups and also help me relax. Oh - maybe she will cook too!!! YUM!!! She is a great cook and I sure do miss all of the traditional Czech recipes!!!
Being very open about this process may have backfired. On the religious front it appears that most major religions do not find IVF to be bad. However, some condone the use of a donor. I am of the Christianity faith and to my delight, it is not a sin. Then their are the Catholics. They believe in only one from of conception and that anything else is considered gravely evil. Therefore I am an evil doer. It did not dawn on me that I have friends from every religion and every walk of life - and that some of them might be Catholic or condone such acts. It never crossed my mind that any act I do would result in someone thinking I am evil.
It has always been in my heart that the only one that can judge me is God himself. Someone may not like me or be prejudice about me, but they don't have the right to judge me. And if they do, well they will have to answer to God for that, not me. I had this conversation once with a Jehovah's Wittiness (a friend, not one that came to my door) and while that person agreed, they still judged and thought they were righteous in doing so because that is what their religion had taught them to do. Goodness knows I do not want to have anyone think ill of me. It is not that I really care what they think but I firmly believe that they will be sending out negative thoughts and vibes into the universe which does not help anybody. With that said, I am writing it here to remember this feeling later in life, but I am going to let it go to be in the hands of God. I need to get back to a positive frame of mind. And I urge anyone who is going through this to make sure you are only telling people you know will support you and who don't believe you are an evil doer.
Now for embie news. Out of the 27 follies collected from our miracle worker (ie egg donor), 16 of them were mature. Of those 16 - 8 fertalized! They are more fragile than others so we will not have a possible 3 day transfer. My date at this point is still scheduled for Monday. They want to let the little eggies incubate with as little handling as necessary. Doc might check on them once this weekend but it will be a quick and gentle process as not to disturb them. We are very excited and hope that many of them turn into embryos. But it only takes one!!! I am still amazed and fascinated with this whole process. Miracle life in a petre dish! Incredible!
Kirk and I had a great conversation last night about what will happen in the next few days. He is going to free himself up from work so that he can call in and talk to the doctor with me during my appointment. This is a major relief for me since I don't think I will be able to make any major decisions on my own if something arrises. I think it is a relief and honor for him too since he feels helpless out in the Gulf that he can't be here with me through the process.
My mom flys in on Sunday and will stay with me for a week. It will be nice to have her here to help me with the pups and also help me relax. Oh - maybe she will cook too!!! YUM!!! She is a great cook and I sure do miss all of the traditional Czech recipes!!!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
PIO
The Progesterone In Oil (PIO) was not half as bad as I thought it would be. I really worked myself up for disaster! LOL
The bottle went into my bra this morning to start warming. But I was such a nervous wreck over it that I needed to get it done faster. I ended up placing it in a cup of warm water. Again I googled tips and watched the videos... Stared all woozy at the needle for a while. My friend came into my office to help me. The idea was that I would try it first and if I could just not do it I would have her do it.
We decided that placing ice on the area was not a good idea and I am not sure why it is widely recommended. If you ice it, then the oil thickens up in the needle not only making it harder to pass through but then it goes into your muscle cold. I can't imagine that would be pleasant.
I filled up the syringe with the oil and then mapped out a good spot on my upper right butt cheek. Quickly swabbing the area with alcohol I did not hesitate and just went for it - slowly plunging it in. The initial sting did not last long and it did not hurt the whole 2.5 inches going in. When I was all the way to the bottom the the needle I started pressing on the syringe. It was a very slow hard process to get the oil out of the needle and into my muscle. It took about 30 seconds. Once complete, I did not bleed at all! The slow ache afterwards (still 6 hours later) is what is the worst part, and it is not that bad. I rubbed it for two minutes and now rub it every time I feel it just to make sure. Right now it just feels like a bruise but there is no evidence that I even gave myself a shot other than a tiny little red pin mark.
While I don't look forward to doing it again, I am now okay with it and not scared. The pain is absolutely bareable. It would hurt worse to pinch myself!
I also started the Medrol and cut back to two pills of estrace. I can't believe by Monday morning this will all be complete! Then it is on to the next hurdle - the 2WW!!!
I have news on the Eggies too. But I need to talk with hubby before I post anything. With him being offshore right now it is important to me that he hears any baby news first. I am sure he would appreciate it too!!!
The bottle went into my bra this morning to start warming. But I was such a nervous wreck over it that I needed to get it done faster. I ended up placing it in a cup of warm water. Again I googled tips and watched the videos... Stared all woozy at the needle for a while. My friend came into my office to help me. The idea was that I would try it first and if I could just not do it I would have her do it.
We decided that placing ice on the area was not a good idea and I am not sure why it is widely recommended. If you ice it, then the oil thickens up in the needle not only making it harder to pass through but then it goes into your muscle cold. I can't imagine that would be pleasant.
I filled up the syringe with the oil and then mapped out a good spot on my upper right butt cheek. Quickly swabbing the area with alcohol I did not hesitate and just went for it - slowly plunging it in. The initial sting did not last long and it did not hurt the whole 2.5 inches going in. When I was all the way to the bottom the the needle I started pressing on the syringe. It was a very slow hard process to get the oil out of the needle and into my muscle. It took about 30 seconds. Once complete, I did not bleed at all! The slow ache afterwards (still 6 hours later) is what is the worst part, and it is not that bad. I rubbed it for two minutes and now rub it every time I feel it just to make sure. Right now it just feels like a bruise but there is no evidence that I even gave myself a shot other than a tiny little red pin mark.
While I don't look forward to doing it again, I am now okay with it and not scared. The pain is absolutely bareable. It would hurt worse to pinch myself!
I also started the Medrol and cut back to two pills of estrace. I can't believe by Monday morning this will all be complete! Then it is on to the next hurdle - the 2WW!!!
I have news on the Eggies too. But I need to talk with hubby before I post anything. With him being offshore right now it is important to me that he hears any baby news first. I am sure he would appreciate it too!!!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Retrieval Day!
I have been a nervous reck all day! It is late afternoon and I still have not heard from the nurse. At 3:30 pm I got tired of waiting so I called but was only able to leave a message.
Yesterday I got a song stuck in my head and it is still there today. It kind of cheers me up so I guess it is not all that bad! "Come on and ease on down, ease on down, ease on down the road - Don't you carry nothing that might be a load - come on and ease on down the road!!!". I think it is from The Wiz (is that the name?) the remake of The Wizard Of OZ with Michael Jackson. How is it that the last two songs that have been in my head are related to Michael Jackson? So strange since I never really listened to him.
Our Sadie is doing great from her surgery. She came home all stitched up - she had a mole and a tumor removed from her neck, and two tumors removed from her shoulders. Plus she had a tooth pulled and has stitches in her mouth. Poor baby girl! They also found with the xray that she has a small murmur and one side of her heart is enlarged. But it is not bad enough to put her on medication yet. They just said we need to monitor it at least once a year. She is very active now and doing just fine. The doc said she could go back to eating regular food right away but I disagree. I have her on soft canned food until those stitches disolve in her mouth. I don't want anything to bother her gums or create any infections.
The nurse just called me back... they retrieved 27 eggies!!! WOW. But the big warning is that large numbers means there will be many that are not mature. So I am still hoping for around 10 good ones!!! The nurse was a bit surprised that I asked about the donor to make sure she was alright from the proceedure. She is doing just fine - and I am sure happy to be done with this! LOL
Yesterday I got a song stuck in my head and it is still there today. It kind of cheers me up so I guess it is not all that bad! "Come on and ease on down, ease on down, ease on down the road - Don't you carry nothing that might be a load - come on and ease on down the road!!!". I think it is from The Wiz (is that the name?) the remake of The Wizard Of OZ with Michael Jackson. How is it that the last two songs that have been in my head are related to Michael Jackson? So strange since I never really listened to him.
Our Sadie is doing great from her surgery. She came home all stitched up - she had a mole and a tumor removed from her neck, and two tumors removed from her shoulders. Plus she had a tooth pulled and has stitches in her mouth. Poor baby girl! They also found with the xray that she has a small murmur and one side of her heart is enlarged. But it is not bad enough to put her on medication yet. They just said we need to monitor it at least once a year. She is very active now and doing just fine. The doc said she could go back to eating regular food right away but I disagree. I have her on soft canned food until those stitches disolve in her mouth. I don't want anything to bother her gums or create any infections.
The nurse just called me back... they retrieved 27 eggies!!! WOW. But the big warning is that large numbers means there will be many that are not mature. So I am still hoping for around 10 good ones!!! The nurse was a bit surprised that I asked about the donor to make sure she was alright from the proceedure. She is doing just fine - and I am sure happy to be done with this! LOL
Monday, September 12, 2011
09.12.11
Nurse called me on Saturday. Our Donor's hormone levels are still way too high. They need to be careful with her so they have now postponed the retrieval. It appears that she will go in on Wednesday now. That will push my date back some but at this point I don't really care. What is most important is her health so if it takes longer, I am fine with that.
I took our kiddos in to the vet today. Bailey needs a checkup and Sadie needs a few shots, a dental cleaning, and 4 moles removed and tested. The nurse sprung on me "We have a note in the file that we recommended a chest ex ray for Sadie last time you were in." She caught me off guard because I had no idea what she was talking about. She then explained that they think Sadie has developed a heart murmur. Ummm...excuse me???? It has been at least 4 months since I have been in and not once has anyone mentioned this to me! If they would have told me I would have had the ex ray done right then and there!!! I am extremely angry! This is the second time they have failed to give me vital information about my kiddos. I decided to leave them there today because the surgeon is good. But this will be the last time we set foot in that facility. I will be on the hunt for a new Vet starting tomorrow. When it comes to our kiddos, this is unacceptable!
I went on YouTube to see if there were any videos of people giving/getting a progesterone in oil shot since I don't know how to give it. I was overloaded with information. I watched several instructional videos and then a few armature videos of girls getting their shot. YUCK!!!! It made me woozy! I am not looking forward to this at all! I hope I can eventually switch to a pill or something!
Some tips I found:
1. Warm the bottle either by keeping it close to your skin for about 30 minutes or by using a heating pad. This makes it body temperature and also makes the oil more fluid.
2. Use an ice pack in the area where you are going to give the shot
3. Once the needle is in, pull back on the plunger to make sure you have not hit a blood vein
4. Slowly push the plunger - it should take you 20 seconds or longer to unload the syringe
5. Put pressure on it after to stop any bleeding
6. Massage the area for at least 2 minutes afterwards to make sure it gets pushed through the muscle. Otherwise painful knots will form.
Oh boy...
I took our kiddos in to the vet today. Bailey needs a checkup and Sadie needs a few shots, a dental cleaning, and 4 moles removed and tested. The nurse sprung on me "We have a note in the file that we recommended a chest ex ray for Sadie last time you were in." She caught me off guard because I had no idea what she was talking about. She then explained that they think Sadie has developed a heart murmur. Ummm...excuse me???? It has been at least 4 months since I have been in and not once has anyone mentioned this to me! If they would have told me I would have had the ex ray done right then and there!!! I am extremely angry! This is the second time they have failed to give me vital information about my kiddos. I decided to leave them there today because the surgeon is good. But this will be the last time we set foot in that facility. I will be on the hunt for a new Vet starting tomorrow. When it comes to our kiddos, this is unacceptable!
I went on YouTube to see if there were any videos of people giving/getting a progesterone in oil shot since I don't know how to give it. I was overloaded with information. I watched several instructional videos and then a few armature videos of girls getting their shot. YUCK!!!! It made me woozy! I am not looking forward to this at all! I hope I can eventually switch to a pill or something!
Some tips I found:
1. Warm the bottle either by keeping it close to your skin for about 30 minutes or by using a heating pad. This makes it body temperature and also makes the oil more fluid.
2. Use an ice pack in the area where you are going to give the shot
3. Once the needle is in, pull back on the plunger to make sure you have not hit a blood vein
4. Slowly push the plunger - it should take you 20 seconds or longer to unload the syringe
5. Put pressure on it after to stop any bleeding
6. Massage the area for at least 2 minutes afterwards to make sure it gets pushed through the muscle. Otherwise painful knots will form.
Oh boy...
Friday, September 9, 2011
Nerves
We are in the final days of the IVF transfer. No later then Saturday of next week I will have two tiny embryos placed in my tummy. My nerves are already shot. I am so excited and scared at the same time. I can't believe it is almost here.
I went to the doctor yesterday for my sonogram. I am fully ready. My lining is better than what they were expecting it to be at this stage. That is a good sign. On top of that, our donor is also moving faster than expected. They cut back on her estrogen just to keep her in line. She looks like she will be producing about 10 eggs. Doc said that he will give her the shot on Saturday to start the process and then she will go in for surgery (egg removal) first thing Monday morning. Of course I don't know all of the details, but that is what I came away with. Then it will be 3-5 days from Monday before it is my turn. I was given a sheet of instructions from the nurse that I must keep on me at all times so I can write in the blanks - it is my final instructions for the meds. I will be stopping some things and starting others.
My brain is swimming lately so my memory is not very detailed and I am pretty forgetful. And my tummy just feels funny. With all of the hormones, the doc said I should feel like I am about to start my period - or like I am already pregnant since I am holding a lot of extra fluid. It is a very strange feeling.
About the 10 eggs. I was pretty disappointed with the numbers. But everything I read stated it is better to have less good ones than it is to have many mediocre ones. Doc said the same thing. He said she is at the right number and they are decreasing her meds so she does not produce anymore just to be safe. So now I am happy with the numbers and pray they are all perfect!
Today I upped my estrogen to three pills a day. Boy let me tell you - I really do FEEL the difference. My moods are changing more quickly but with my fuzzy memory I am pretty sure I have more of a blank look on my face than any type of other look. Some of the girls in the office are getting a kick out of it. I seem to ask the same question a few times within a matter of minutes. At least I am aware of it so I can try to control it. Maybe it is just too much on my mind and with a shorter attention span and shorter emotional span....Haha - I already forgot where I was going with this but you get the idea. I asked the Doc and he said it is normal.
One of the blogs I read - I am going to go in and take it off my page. Today's post was so poorly written that I cannot bare to read it any longer and really don't want to subject anyone else to it. I write this blog for fun and also to let others know they are not alone. I am well aware that I am the worst speller ever. But this blog that I read is more of an informative blog - something like everything you need to know about fertility or infertility. I expect someone who has such a blog would be educational about the subject. Not only were some of the facts wrong in the post, but the writer wrote like they were at a grade school level - missing words, unclear sentences, wrong use of phrases. It lost my attention in the first paragraph when I had to reread 4 of the sentences trying to understand what they were saying.
I went to the doctor yesterday for my sonogram. I am fully ready. My lining is better than what they were expecting it to be at this stage. That is a good sign. On top of that, our donor is also moving faster than expected. They cut back on her estrogen just to keep her in line. She looks like she will be producing about 10 eggs. Doc said that he will give her the shot on Saturday to start the process and then she will go in for surgery (egg removal) first thing Monday morning. Of course I don't know all of the details, but that is what I came away with. Then it will be 3-5 days from Monday before it is my turn. I was given a sheet of instructions from the nurse that I must keep on me at all times so I can write in the blanks - it is my final instructions for the meds. I will be stopping some things and starting others.
My brain is swimming lately so my memory is not very detailed and I am pretty forgetful. And my tummy just feels funny. With all of the hormones, the doc said I should feel like I am about to start my period - or like I am already pregnant since I am holding a lot of extra fluid. It is a very strange feeling.
About the 10 eggs. I was pretty disappointed with the numbers. But everything I read stated it is better to have less good ones than it is to have many mediocre ones. Doc said the same thing. He said she is at the right number and they are decreasing her meds so she does not produce anymore just to be safe. So now I am happy with the numbers and pray they are all perfect!
Today I upped my estrogen to three pills a day. Boy let me tell you - I really do FEEL the difference. My moods are changing more quickly but with my fuzzy memory I am pretty sure I have more of a blank look on my face than any type of other look. Some of the girls in the office are getting a kick out of it. I seem to ask the same question a few times within a matter of minutes. At least I am aware of it so I can try to control it. Maybe it is just too much on my mind and with a shorter attention span and shorter emotional span....Haha - I already forgot where I was going with this but you get the idea. I asked the Doc and he said it is normal.
One of the blogs I read - I am going to go in and take it off my page. Today's post was so poorly written that I cannot bare to read it any longer and really don't want to subject anyone else to it. I write this blog for fun and also to let others know they are not alone. I am well aware that I am the worst speller ever. But this blog that I read is more of an informative blog - something like everything you need to know about fertility or infertility. I expect someone who has such a blog would be educational about the subject. Not only were some of the facts wrong in the post, but the writer wrote like they were at a grade school level - missing words, unclear sentences, wrong use of phrases. It lost my attention in the first paragraph when I had to reread 4 of the sentences trying to understand what they were saying.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Chasing Follies
It seems I am chasing follies (follicles). The doctor's office called again right after I wrote the last post. This nurse told me they only see 10 follies. I don't understand how one nurse can see 15 and the next see 10. Both said our donor was moving along nicely and right on schedule. This nurse added that our donors estrogen levels were a bit higher than normal but that did not necessarily mean that she was moving faster, it just meant that we have a long way to go before we really know how many follies she will have. And of course on retrieval date, we will really know how many they got and how many are actually fully formed and ready eggs.
Last night I had a dream that I picked the wrong donor. My head was swimming with "you should have gone with the one with the blue eyes". I woke up in a panic. Did I pick the wrong one? I had to tell myself over and over, "I picked the one that most resembles me. I do not have blue eyes, I have hazel eyes. I picked the right one. She is the RIGHT one!"
Kirk got the call last night while we were having dinner that he was to head back up to Dallas today at 1:00pm to prepare for offshore. He should be back up and working in the Gulf by tomorrow afternoon (10 hour drive to LA from Dallas and then a 10 hour boat ride out to the rig). I am very thankful I had two whole days with him. I miss him so much when he is gone. I had high hopes that he would be home for the "big day". That storm cost us a week so now I have no chance he will be home in time.
This weekend I was thinking about going surfing. It has been a while, since my board is in California - in storage. I am getting the craving for it and it would be a great time to go - it will help me relax and get some much needed exercise. There really isn't any feeling like it - standing on my 10 foot board being carried to shore by mother nature. Ahhhh...Just the thought of it relaxes and excites me. Yes, I will go - Saturday.
Don't think I am any good at surfing. I am probably the worst surfer out there. Just like snowboarding - I love it like no other, but I really do suck at it! I don't care how many times I fall, I get right back up with a smile on my face and my heart skipping a few beats! I walk away from both sports battered and bruised - all trophies of an incredibly journey/experience!
Last night I had a dream that I picked the wrong donor. My head was swimming with "you should have gone with the one with the blue eyes". I woke up in a panic. Did I pick the wrong one? I had to tell myself over and over, "I picked the one that most resembles me. I do not have blue eyes, I have hazel eyes. I picked the right one. She is the RIGHT one!"
Kirk got the call last night while we were having dinner that he was to head back up to Dallas today at 1:00pm to prepare for offshore. He should be back up and working in the Gulf by tomorrow afternoon (10 hour drive to LA from Dallas and then a 10 hour boat ride out to the rig). I am very thankful I had two whole days with him. I miss him so much when he is gone. I had high hopes that he would be home for the "big day". That storm cost us a week so now I have no chance he will be home in time.
This weekend I was thinking about going surfing. It has been a while, since my board is in California - in storage. I am getting the craving for it and it would be a great time to go - it will help me relax and get some much needed exercise. There really isn't any feeling like it - standing on my 10 foot board being carried to shore by mother nature. Ahhhh...Just the thought of it relaxes and excites me. Yes, I will go - Saturday.
Don't think I am any good at surfing. I am probably the worst surfer out there. Just like snowboarding - I love it like no other, but I really do suck at it! I don't care how many times I fall, I get right back up with a smile on my face and my heart skipping a few beats! I walk away from both sports battered and bruised - all trophies of an incredibly journey/experience!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Visit to Michigan
I went to Michigan to visit family - mostly my Grandma since she is not doing so well. I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could. It was a very nice trip with only a few minor setbacks. It is always hard to see your Gma in a condition like that, but she is better than I thought she would be. She remembered me most of the time and she stayed up everyday when I thought she would sleep the day away. We had some good quality time together.
On my return, Kirk picked me up from the airport. It was soooooo nice to see him! It had been over a month since I last got to give my husband a big hug and kiss! We had a wonderful evening and it looks like I get to keep him for at least one more day!
I am now on two pills of estrogen a day and of course all of the other stuff. By the end of this week I will be up to three pills a day. And yes, the pounds are starting to pack on. Kirk had a lovely way of putting it - Gotta have insulation for that oven! Ha... glad it amuses him. Makes me happy that he loves me no matter what I look like. I just hope it is easy to take off once all is said and done.
The doc called on Friday - our donor is moving along nicely. Right now they see about 15 follicles. It could change between now and her surgery date (Sept 14th). I probably won't receive any more updates on her until the big day. She seems to be right on schedule so it probably won't be sooner. Then we have the 3-5 day wait for me before my big day! Woohooo! Roughly 12 days left!!! It really is flying by!!! Keep us in your prayers!
While at the airport, I heard a woman talking about a really good book - so I picked it up. It is called "The Help" and was made into a movie that I think is out in theatres now. From page one I was hooked and I did not put it down the whole flight home. I am going to stop myself from reading it so that I can read it during my two week wait - That way I have my mind on other things than the agony of the 2WW!!!
On my return, Kirk picked me up from the airport. It was soooooo nice to see him! It had been over a month since I last got to give my husband a big hug and kiss! We had a wonderful evening and it looks like I get to keep him for at least one more day!
I am now on two pills of estrogen a day and of course all of the other stuff. By the end of this week I will be up to three pills a day. And yes, the pounds are starting to pack on. Kirk had a lovely way of putting it - Gotta have insulation for that oven! Ha... glad it amuses him. Makes me happy that he loves me no matter what I look like. I just hope it is easy to take off once all is said and done.
The doc called on Friday - our donor is moving along nicely. Right now they see about 15 follicles. It could change between now and her surgery date (Sept 14th). I probably won't receive any more updates on her until the big day. She seems to be right on schedule so it probably won't be sooner. Then we have the 3-5 day wait for me before my big day! Woohooo! Roughly 12 days left!!! It really is flying by!!! Keep us in your prayers!
While at the airport, I heard a woman talking about a really good book - so I picked it up. It is called "The Help" and was made into a movie that I think is out in theatres now. From page one I was hooked and I did not put it down the whole flight home. I am going to stop myself from reading it so that I can read it during my two week wait - That way I have my mind on other things than the agony of the 2WW!!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Expenses, Expenses
A lot of what I read on the forums is about how much it costs for the different types of IVF. There are so many different types, depending on what someone needs. Ours requires an Egg Donor (my personal angel) so our expenses are a bit higher than someone that is using their own eggs.
I just received a call from my finance lady at the doctor's office. It is that time again where I have to open up my wallet. I am not complaining. I am used to it and we have spent so much by now I am not even sure if I have an accurate figure in my head. I actually get excited when they call me because it means we are that much closer to the "big day". A few weeks ago they called for payment on my Donors medications. Today I actually paid the Donor for her "services" and also for her medical insurance.
This is a bit early for payment to the donor. So I can only presume one thing - she is moving along faster than they expected. If this is the case, we may have our "big day" sooner!!!
Only 18 days left for the implants - and then comes the hardest part...The two week wait (2WW). That is where I wait anxiously for two whole weeks before I found out if the embryo's took and I am pregnant!
I just received a call from my finance lady at the doctor's office. It is that time again where I have to open up my wallet. I am not complaining. I am used to it and we have spent so much by now I am not even sure if I have an accurate figure in my head. I actually get excited when they call me because it means we are that much closer to the "big day". A few weeks ago they called for payment on my Donors medications. Today I actually paid the Donor for her "services" and also for her medical insurance.
This is a bit early for payment to the donor. So I can only presume one thing - she is moving along faster than they expected. If this is the case, we may have our "big day" sooner!!!
Only 18 days left for the implants - and then comes the hardest part...The two week wait (2WW). That is where I wait anxiously for two whole weeks before I found out if the embryo's took and I am pregnant!
Day 3 of Estrogen
My daily regime includes:
3 prenatal horse pill vitamins
3 calcium horse pill vitamins (1500 mg a day)
1 baby aspirin
1 Estrogen pill
1 Lupron shot
1 low dose antihistamine
Sounds like fun doesn't it? Blahahahahaha!
Shoving 6 horse pills down my throat in the afternoon is the highlight. I have to do them all at once or I just can't do it. It has taken many lessons to learn not to gag. Two of the prenatals have fish oil in them and God forbid one breaks open - let just say I have to eat lunch AGAIN.
So far so good with the Estrogen, baby aspirin and antihistamine added a few days ago. I have no added side effects. However, I am now feeling that weight starting to pack on. I have gained a pound in the last few days. And I am hungry all of the time. I crave mostly carbs - which is really bad. I am already 20 pounds over what I want to be, prior to this process. I can't diet right now so I am just going to have to be happy with what I am.
I leave tomorrow morning to go visit my family in Michigan. I still have not called the airline to see how to get my needles on the plane. I am sure diabetics carry them all the time and with my RX it should not be a problem. It will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow.
Wouldn't you know it - Kirk just called and said that they are coming in from offshore because of the storm that is building in the Gulf. They are already at 10 foot waves and it is raining. It won't be a fun 12 hour boat ride for them coming in. I have not seen him in a month - here he is coming in and I have to leave for Michigan!!! He is really upset. So am I but there is nothing I can do and it only hurts me to be down. I have to keep in good spirits. It is what it is and we just have to deal with it. Hopefully he will still be here when I come home on Monday. If not, we will only have about another month to go before he is home again. And who knows - maybe he can come to Michigan if they think they will be here for a few days!
My friend Stephanie has been staying with me since Friday. She just returned home from a two year assignment in Afghanistan along with a business trip in Dominican Republic. She is in the process of buying a house but it seems to be taking longer than they expected. I feel terrible that she has to sleep on my couch, but I am so happy and grateful for the company while Kirk is gone! It fills my days with more than just work and couch potato time when I am home. The dogs love having her there too, especially during the day when I am at work.
I have been reading a lot on the IVF forum I joined. There are several woman that are close to the same schedule as me. It will be interesting to see what happens to all of us. I think I found one that is in Texas too. I sent her an email to see if she is close. I would love to have a buddy here to be each others support through this process. It is not easy in any way. And it makes it that much harder that Kirk is not here with me.
Work has picked up for me. YAY!!! I have pretty much been busy all week. And, with all of the projects I have going right now I should stay that way for several weeks. It makes my days go by so much faster. With all of the new jobs starting up as well, it looks like I will have a steady stream of work flowing in through the rest of the year.
3 prenatal horse pill vitamins
3 calcium horse pill vitamins (1500 mg a day)
1 baby aspirin
1 Estrogen pill
1 Lupron shot
1 low dose antihistamine
Sounds like fun doesn't it? Blahahahahaha!
Shoving 6 horse pills down my throat in the afternoon is the highlight. I have to do them all at once or I just can't do it. It has taken many lessons to learn not to gag. Two of the prenatals have fish oil in them and God forbid one breaks open - let just say I have to eat lunch AGAIN.
So far so good with the Estrogen, baby aspirin and antihistamine added a few days ago. I have no added side effects. However, I am now feeling that weight starting to pack on. I have gained a pound in the last few days. And I am hungry all of the time. I crave mostly carbs - which is really bad. I am already 20 pounds over what I want to be, prior to this process. I can't diet right now so I am just going to have to be happy with what I am.
I leave tomorrow morning to go visit my family in Michigan. I still have not called the airline to see how to get my needles on the plane. I am sure diabetics carry them all the time and with my RX it should not be a problem. It will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow.
Wouldn't you know it - Kirk just called and said that they are coming in from offshore because of the storm that is building in the Gulf. They are already at 10 foot waves and it is raining. It won't be a fun 12 hour boat ride for them coming in. I have not seen him in a month - here he is coming in and I have to leave for Michigan!!! He is really upset. So am I but there is nothing I can do and it only hurts me to be down. I have to keep in good spirits. It is what it is and we just have to deal with it. Hopefully he will still be here when I come home on Monday. If not, we will only have about another month to go before he is home again. And who knows - maybe he can come to Michigan if they think they will be here for a few days!
My friend Stephanie has been staying with me since Friday. She just returned home from a two year assignment in Afghanistan along with a business trip in Dominican Republic. She is in the process of buying a house but it seems to be taking longer than they expected. I feel terrible that she has to sleep on my couch, but I am so happy and grateful for the company while Kirk is gone! It fills my days with more than just work and couch potato time when I am home. The dogs love having her there too, especially during the day when I am at work.
I have been reading a lot on the IVF forum I joined. There are several woman that are close to the same schedule as me. It will be interesting to see what happens to all of us. I think I found one that is in Texas too. I sent her an email to see if she is close. I would love to have a buddy here to be each others support through this process. It is not easy in any way. And it makes it that much harder that Kirk is not here with me.
Work has picked up for me. YAY!!! I have pretty much been busy all week. And, with all of the projects I have going right now I should stay that way for several weeks. It makes my days go by so much faster. With all of the new jobs starting up as well, it looks like I will have a steady stream of work flowing in through the rest of the year.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
You are not alone...I am here with you...
I can't think of what song my title came from but I can sing it in my head. I started singing it when I ventured out to see if there were other blogs out there that were like mine. I was afraid that I would be the only one openly discussing my infertility issues. I thought I was mostly alone and I was either being brave or stupid to put this all over the Internet for others to see. I am delighted to say I have found so many blogs on the subject. Every story is different, but we all have the same underlying problem and we all want the same outcome.
I can't say I am happy to see so many others out there. Sometimes I wish I was alone in this struggle. I would not wish this on anyone. At the same time I am happy to see a very tight group and a ton of support. I hope I can break into some of these circles and even make some friends. It would be nice to have a group of support. I have family and friends all around me giving me the love I need. But it is nice to know others that are going through the same struggles and who "understand" more than the people that have not gone through it.
I am feeding on these blogs right now. I can't get enough of them and I enjoy everything I am reading - even the negative stuff. Some blogs have hundreds of followers. With being so open about personal issues (I mean heck, we are literally putting it out there for the world to read) comes followers and commenter's from all walks of life. I read some very cruel comments to some of the posters and then the backlash to their comments. It is unfortunate, but a part of life. Everyone has an opinion and they have the right to share it.
I am learning this the easy way. I have not yet had to endure much negative. I am very open about what I am going through. I may be somewhat anonymous on here but in my personal and business life everyone knows what I am doing and going through. I have no secrets. If someone starts with a negative - I end it with a positive. It it continues, I let them know that I need to be in a positive frame of mind right now and if they don't have anything nice to say then don't say it. So far it seems to be working, but like I said, I have not had very much of that. For the most part, people are just curious and ask a lot of questions. Science is absolutely amazing and I love to discuss the science behind DE (donor egg) IVF.
Of course, with me being absolutely 100% positive that Kirk and I will have a family someday, it helps to know that no matter how it happens, it will happen. Of course I am rooting on this IVF!!!
Okay...I got sidetracked. The whole reason for me writing this post was to tell you that I am linking some of the other blogs I read on IVF to my page. If there is anyone out there that is going through this, I want them to have the opportunities I had in being a part of a bigger picture and finding comfort in others.
I can't say I am happy to see so many others out there. Sometimes I wish I was alone in this struggle. I would not wish this on anyone. At the same time I am happy to see a very tight group and a ton of support. I hope I can break into some of these circles and even make some friends. It would be nice to have a group of support. I have family and friends all around me giving me the love I need. But it is nice to know others that are going through the same struggles and who "understand" more than the people that have not gone through it.
I am feeding on these blogs right now. I can't get enough of them and I enjoy everything I am reading - even the negative stuff. Some blogs have hundreds of followers. With being so open about personal issues (I mean heck, we are literally putting it out there for the world to read) comes followers and commenter's from all walks of life. I read some very cruel comments to some of the posters and then the backlash to their comments. It is unfortunate, but a part of life. Everyone has an opinion and they have the right to share it.
I am learning this the easy way. I have not yet had to endure much negative. I am very open about what I am going through. I may be somewhat anonymous on here but in my personal and business life everyone knows what I am doing and going through. I have no secrets. If someone starts with a negative - I end it with a positive. It it continues, I let them know that I need to be in a positive frame of mind right now and if they don't have anything nice to say then don't say it. So far it seems to be working, but like I said, I have not had very much of that. For the most part, people are just curious and ask a lot of questions. Science is absolutely amazing and I love to discuss the science behind DE (donor egg) IVF.
Of course, with me being absolutely 100% positive that Kirk and I will have a family someday, it helps to know that no matter how it happens, it will happen. Of course I am rooting on this IVF!!!
Okay...I got sidetracked. The whole reason for me writing this post was to tell you that I am linking some of the other blogs I read on IVF to my page. If there is anyone out there that is going through this, I want them to have the opportunities I had in being a part of a bigger picture and finding comfort in others.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Graduated to the next step
I had my ultrasound last week and blood work done to make sure I was on the right path. I have a call in to the nurse though to see if I can take allergy meds. Houston is very dry right now - something you have never heard me say. We have had NO rain this summer at all which stirs the pollen and fills my sinus's. I actually went home early on Friday from work because the allergies were so bad I was miserable. Hopefully she will call back soon with a remedy for me. At the moment, they only allow me to take my Tylenol PM - and as of today baby aspirin.
Which leads me to my post. Today is the day I added estrogen and baby aspirin to my baby diet. I am so excited to be on this next step that I could not wait to wake up this morning and take my pills! And now that I look at the calendar I realize I only have about 20 days left until the big day!!! I know this time will just fly by and it will be here before I know it.
I head to Michigan this weekend (Labor Day weekend) to visit my Grandma Hain and Irene. It will be wonderful to spend some time with them. Grandma is not doing well and I want to be able to see and talk to her as much as I can. It is perfect timing before the IVF is complete. I will also get to visit with my cousins which will be nice. It has been too long since I have see this side of my family. Out of everyone, besides my immediate family, this is is the side I am closest too since my cousins are all around my age.
I am counting down the days Kirk has been gone. Since I am not sure when he will be home, we have to do this a little bit backwards. Everyday he is gone it makes him one day closer to coming home. When he is gone for so long, we suffer a bit with our relationship. We both know what we got into and deal with it, but it can get hard when we miss each other so much. It is harder on him because he can't be here with me and go through this with me. He has a very vivid imagination that sometimes gets the better of him. When I say I have a headache from the Lupron he pictures the worst. This is something neither of us has had to deal with in the past so it will take some getting used to when we talk or email through it. Hopefully he will be home soon and then he won't worry so much.
Which leads me to my post. Today is the day I added estrogen and baby aspirin to my baby diet. I am so excited to be on this next step that I could not wait to wake up this morning and take my pills! And now that I look at the calendar I realize I only have about 20 days left until the big day!!! I know this time will just fly by and it will be here before I know it.
I head to Michigan this weekend (Labor Day weekend) to visit my Grandma Hain and Irene. It will be wonderful to spend some time with them. Grandma is not doing well and I want to be able to see and talk to her as much as I can. It is perfect timing before the IVF is complete. I will also get to visit with my cousins which will be nice. It has been too long since I have see this side of my family. Out of everyone, besides my immediate family, this is is the side I am closest too since my cousins are all around my age.
I am counting down the days Kirk has been gone. Since I am not sure when he will be home, we have to do this a little bit backwards. Everyday he is gone it makes him one day closer to coming home. When he is gone for so long, we suffer a bit with our relationship. We both know what we got into and deal with it, but it can get hard when we miss each other so much. It is harder on him because he can't be here with me and go through this with me. He has a very vivid imagination that sometimes gets the better of him. When I say I have a headache from the Lupron he pictures the worst. This is something neither of us has had to deal with in the past so it will take some getting used to when we talk or email through it. Hopefully he will be home soon and then he won't worry so much.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Memories
Life on Lupron has not been as bad as I thought it would be. The shots are actually very easy and the mood swings are less than imagined. I did have one day that made it hard to get out of bed. But Kirk called and he put the smile back on my face with his dorkiness (something he will NEVER admit). He likes to pretend that I am the only dork/nerd in this family. I guess it is nice to be a dreamer! :)
My brain does not seem to function as well on the Lupron. I constantly have a dull headache. Right now I can't even remember what I have written in the past so that I make sure not to re-write it! Oh, well...bare with me. I was under the impression that I would gain weight. So far I have lost a few pounds and now I am holding steady. Which means my fat-tastic clothes are being used as they should be. I even got very upset one morning when I had planned on wearing a new pair of pants and a shirt to work and when I put them on I looked like I was wearing an over sized potato sack. It took me 30 minutes to find something else to wear. At least I know that I will get some use out of them once I actually get pregnant. They will save me from having to go maternity clothes shopping for quite a while. Of course I may be speaking too soon since I have not started the estrogen and progesterone yet.
This last weekend I pulled out the progesterone syringes to see what they look like. I almost fainted when I saw the needle. It is about 4 inches long and really thick. I know I am going to bleed. If you don't already know, I get really ill at the site of blood. I have a hard time with just a paper cut. I may have to bring it in to work and have one of my coworkers give it to me. I actually have a coworker that was a donor - many years ago. So she is very familiar with everything I am doing and going through. She is very nice and offered to help me when I need it. I am going to have to take her up on that offer very soon.
Last night I was thinking of memories that I have where I see myself the happiest. The one that came to me last night is very special. I was in my early 20's studying for a semester in Oxford, England. During Easter break I went with two other girls to Ireland and we backpacked up the West Coast. At one point in the trip I had gotten seperated from them on a long windy road through the country on our way to The Cliffs of Moher. We split up because we thought it might be easier to hitch a ride since we had already walked about 10 miles and were not even close to the Cliffs. It was already mid afternoon and time was not on our side to get to a place to spend the night. I remember it was a brilliant day. The weather was in our favor, a bit chilled yet the sun was shining and kept us warm. The road was windy and hilly - dotted with sheep farms. It was just as you would imagine Ireland to be with little stone cabins and hand made fences, herds of sheep rolling with the green pastures. At one point the beautiful picture all around me came to life when a sheep dog (you know, the black and white spotted ones you see in pictures) spotted me on the road. I watched as he ran full force towards me. I stopped dead in my tracks not knowing what to do, worried that I was about to be attacked. As the dog approached, I could see his ears and tail were both up and not in an attack stance. He greeted me with a little bark, and just took his place by my side as I continued to walk down the road. We walked together along the road for about a half of a mile before he turned and headed back to his sheep. It was one of the most perfect moments in my entire life. Everything was perfect. I was free. The breath in my lungs was fresh. The feeling in my heart made me feel like the happiest, most content person on the entire planet. It was an incredible feeling that I cannot even describe. I still feel that way today when I think of that incredible place. For most it is a fairytale, but I actually had the opportunity to live it, even if it was only for a day.
Memories like this keep my spirits up when I start feeling down. Memories like, the day I stood and gave my life to my husband; listening to him tell me he finally has a nick name offshore - The tooth fairy, or telling me how he had down time when he was on the ocean bottom so he sang and did a little dance (I can actually picture him doing that!). Or maybe it is the day I found Bailey and made him apart of the family, or the turtle I ran down the toll way to save. How about the day that I got a call for the job I have now - I was not even looking and they found me - they wanted me - at a time when I had just been disgarded from my previous job after 10 years of service and loyalty - I was wanted by somebody! Life really does place miracles in my life all the time. I am a very lucky woman to be who I am and where I am. God really does LOVE me!
My brain does not seem to function as well on the Lupron. I constantly have a dull headache. Right now I can't even remember what I have written in the past so that I make sure not to re-write it! Oh, well...bare with me. I was under the impression that I would gain weight. So far I have lost a few pounds and now I am holding steady. Which means my fat-tastic clothes are being used as they should be. I even got very upset one morning when I had planned on wearing a new pair of pants and a shirt to work and when I put them on I looked like I was wearing an over sized potato sack. It took me 30 minutes to find something else to wear. At least I know that I will get some use out of them once I actually get pregnant. They will save me from having to go maternity clothes shopping for quite a while. Of course I may be speaking too soon since I have not started the estrogen and progesterone yet.
This last weekend I pulled out the progesterone syringes to see what they look like. I almost fainted when I saw the needle. It is about 4 inches long and really thick. I know I am going to bleed. If you don't already know, I get really ill at the site of blood. I have a hard time with just a paper cut. I may have to bring it in to work and have one of my coworkers give it to me. I actually have a coworker that was a donor - many years ago. So she is very familiar with everything I am doing and going through. She is very nice and offered to help me when I need it. I am going to have to take her up on that offer very soon.
Last night I was thinking of memories that I have where I see myself the happiest. The one that came to me last night is very special. I was in my early 20's studying for a semester in Oxford, England. During Easter break I went with two other girls to Ireland and we backpacked up the West Coast. At one point in the trip I had gotten seperated from them on a long windy road through the country on our way to The Cliffs of Moher. We split up because we thought it might be easier to hitch a ride since we had already walked about 10 miles and were not even close to the Cliffs. It was already mid afternoon and time was not on our side to get to a place to spend the night. I remember it was a brilliant day. The weather was in our favor, a bit chilled yet the sun was shining and kept us warm. The road was windy and hilly - dotted with sheep farms. It was just as you would imagine Ireland to be with little stone cabins and hand made fences, herds of sheep rolling with the green pastures. At one point the beautiful picture all around me came to life when a sheep dog (you know, the black and white spotted ones you see in pictures) spotted me on the road. I watched as he ran full force towards me. I stopped dead in my tracks not knowing what to do, worried that I was about to be attacked. As the dog approached, I could see his ears and tail were both up and not in an attack stance. He greeted me with a little bark, and just took his place by my side as I continued to walk down the road. We walked together along the road for about a half of a mile before he turned and headed back to his sheep. It was one of the most perfect moments in my entire life. Everything was perfect. I was free. The breath in my lungs was fresh. The feeling in my heart made me feel like the happiest, most content person on the entire planet. It was an incredible feeling that I cannot even describe. I still feel that way today when I think of that incredible place. For most it is a fairytale, but I actually had the opportunity to live it, even if it was only for a day.
Memories like this keep my spirits up when I start feeling down. Memories like, the day I stood and gave my life to my husband; listening to him tell me he finally has a nick name offshore - The tooth fairy, or telling me how he had down time when he was on the ocean bottom so he sang and did a little dance (I can actually picture him doing that!). Or maybe it is the day I found Bailey and made him apart of the family, or the turtle I ran down the toll way to save. How about the day that I got a call for the job I have now - I was not even looking and they found me - they wanted me - at a time when I had just been disgarded from my previous job after 10 years of service and loyalty - I was wanted by somebody! Life really does place miracles in my life all the time. I am a very lucky woman to be who I am and where I am. God really does LOVE me!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Two great days in a row
I thought this Lupron was going to make me a little nutty but I am actually doing okay on it. I still have the slight headache. And the last two days I have developed cramping in my feet. I upped my potassium and bought bananas to help with that. I have two days left on the Pill and then I go to straight Lupron for about a week. The nurse said I might have a period at that time. I will be surprised if I do, but lets hope for one!
It sounds strange, but I actually miss my periods. I know, I know - you are thinking I am crazy. I may have 2 periods a year now, if I am lucky. And that is with help. A monthly period to me means an egg dropped. How I wish I had an egg to drop.
I have been in a great mood for two days. I think it is because I had a pep talk with myself Tuesday night. I woke up Wednesday knowing it would be a good day - and it was more than I could have hoped for. I received three pieces of news at work: 1. We just landed a 67 million dollar contract starting next month. This is great news since we have not had ANY work all year. 2. One of my audits came back and I can finally file with the IRS. One down, two to go!!! 3. An issue with our parent company was cleared up in my favor. I love days like this!
While searching one of the IVF forums, I found two other people who write blogs about IVF. I love reading them and am fascinated with the story of one since her attitude closely resembles mine. She is very positive and was already determined that she was going to have a family. If IVF did not work, they would adopt. Kirk and I feel the same way. No matter what, we WILL have a family. It is just a matter of how we become that family. It is truly in God's hands. He knows best. Luckily, after many attempts she finally got pregnant. She has been blessed with twins that are due in three months. I am so excited for her and it gives me hope!
Now for a random thought. I think my husband has been secretly teaching our Bailey boy to hate all trucks but Fords. I was walking the dogs yesterday afternoon and Bailey kept looking at this big Dodge truck in the parking lot. He tried to veer me in its direction, but I did not budge. Finally after about 5 attempts to get to the truck, I finally gave in just because I was curious as to why he wanted to be near this truck so bad. He did nothing but walk up to it, sniff the bumper and then lifted his leg to relieve himself all over it. I actually had to look around to make sure nobody was watching - I was so embarrassed. It reminded me of the time he peed all over the man at the dog park and we had to do the walk of shame out of the park never to return again.
It sounds strange, but I actually miss my periods. I know, I know - you are thinking I am crazy. I may have 2 periods a year now, if I am lucky. And that is with help. A monthly period to me means an egg dropped. How I wish I had an egg to drop.
I have been in a great mood for two days. I think it is because I had a pep talk with myself Tuesday night. I woke up Wednesday knowing it would be a good day - and it was more than I could have hoped for. I received three pieces of news at work: 1. We just landed a 67 million dollar contract starting next month. This is great news since we have not had ANY work all year. 2. One of my audits came back and I can finally file with the IRS. One down, two to go!!! 3. An issue with our parent company was cleared up in my favor. I love days like this!
While searching one of the IVF forums, I found two other people who write blogs about IVF. I love reading them and am fascinated with the story of one since her attitude closely resembles mine. She is very positive and was already determined that she was going to have a family. If IVF did not work, they would adopt. Kirk and I feel the same way. No matter what, we WILL have a family. It is just a matter of how we become that family. It is truly in God's hands. He knows best. Luckily, after many attempts she finally got pregnant. She has been blessed with twins that are due in three months. I am so excited for her and it gives me hope!
Now for a random thought. I think my husband has been secretly teaching our Bailey boy to hate all trucks but Fords. I was walking the dogs yesterday afternoon and Bailey kept looking at this big Dodge truck in the parking lot. He tried to veer me in its direction, but I did not budge. Finally after about 5 attempts to get to the truck, I finally gave in just because I was curious as to why he wanted to be near this truck so bad. He did nothing but walk up to it, sniff the bumper and then lifted his leg to relieve himself all over it. I actually had to look around to make sure nobody was watching - I was so embarrassed. It reminded me of the time he peed all over the man at the dog park and we had to do the walk of shame out of the park never to return again.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Pretty water just tastes better!
I guess this is a random thought. For our wedding, a good friend gave Kirk and me a set of 4 plastic tumblers. We fell in love with these glasses and did not bother to get any other kind, except more plastic tumblers.
A few weeks ago we were at the liqueur warehouse and we decided we at least need to get a set of wine glasses. It was not fun drinking red wine out of plastic tumblers. We picked up two delicate red wine glasses - you know those kind that do not have stems. So they are very classic looking glasses. Last night I felt like using one of these glasses for water. I poured the water into the glass and for some reason it just looked prettier, more appetizing. It was crisp and clean - the light shined through it beautifully creating delicate shadows on the ground.
I enjoyed my glass of water so much that I had two more. I think I am going to drink out of my wine glasses from now on. Pretty water just tastes better!
A few weeks ago we were at the liqueur warehouse and we decided we at least need to get a set of wine glasses. It was not fun drinking red wine out of plastic tumblers. We picked up two delicate red wine glasses - you know those kind that do not have stems. So they are very classic looking glasses. Last night I felt like using one of these glasses for water. I poured the water into the glass and for some reason it just looked prettier, more appetizing. It was crisp and clean - the light shined through it beautifully creating delicate shadows on the ground.
I enjoyed my glass of water so much that I had two more. I think I am going to drink out of my wine glasses from now on. Pretty water just tastes better!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Preparing for a Fat-tastic month!
The nurse told me that I would not have anything to worry about with gaining weight from these meds. One good friend of mine said she only got a bit bloated. Another told me she gained. Allot of what I read states that I will gain. And of course the forum I belong to - the woman have an average gain of 10 pounds. Soooo, I am preparing for the fat.
Saturday I went Fat-tastic clothes shopping. I say this with a smile on my face, and don't look at it a a downer or a negative. If what it takes for me to get preggo is to get fat, well then count me in! I took my fashionable friend with me to help me buy things that will still flatter - and also grow with me for a while. I must say, we did an excellent job! And, I did it all on a budget. I had 4 pairs of pants I recently bought that I exchanged for bigger sizes, then I bought two skirts, a dress and some accent tops.
I was so excited with everything I cleaned out my closet and packed away all of the things that no longer fit me. Of course I am keeping them - I will be skinny again one day! :) I had plenty of room for my new stuff - and even room for maternity clothes when it comes that time.
Yesterday was my first shot. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I fretted for absolutely nothing. I do have a slight headache and a few other symptoms. But nothing to really worry or bother me. All are completely normal.
I have decided to cancel my gym membership. I cannot justify paying as much as I do with as little as I use it. Plus it will give us extra $ to save for all of the big events coming up in the near future.
This morning I got up early and took the dogs for a long walk. Then came back and did my wimpy version of push-ups (I suck at those by the way). I then tried my hand at jump rope. I have a lot of coordination to work on before I continue with that - it was not my best moment. And when I mean moment I mean less than a minute of getting tangled and falling in exhaustion. It would have been a priceless America's Funniest Home Videos moment if someone were there to witness it. Kirk jokes that he needs to baby proof the house just for me since I am such a klutz and accident prone.
bye for now!
Saturday I went Fat-tastic clothes shopping. I say this with a smile on my face, and don't look at it a a downer or a negative. If what it takes for me to get preggo is to get fat, well then count me in! I took my fashionable friend with me to help me buy things that will still flatter - and also grow with me for a while. I must say, we did an excellent job! And, I did it all on a budget. I had 4 pairs of pants I recently bought that I exchanged for bigger sizes, then I bought two skirts, a dress and some accent tops.
I was so excited with everything I cleaned out my closet and packed away all of the things that no longer fit me. Of course I am keeping them - I will be skinny again one day! :) I had plenty of room for my new stuff - and even room for maternity clothes when it comes that time.
Yesterday was my first shot. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I fretted for absolutely nothing. I do have a slight headache and a few other symptoms. But nothing to really worry or bother me. All are completely normal.
I have decided to cancel my gym membership. I cannot justify paying as much as I do with as little as I use it. Plus it will give us extra $ to save for all of the big events coming up in the near future.
This morning I got up early and took the dogs for a long walk. Then came back and did my wimpy version of push-ups (I suck at those by the way). I then tried my hand at jump rope. I have a lot of coordination to work on before I continue with that - it was not my best moment. And when I mean moment I mean less than a minute of getting tangled and falling in exhaustion. It would have been a priceless America's Funniest Home Videos moment if someone were there to witness it. Kirk jokes that he needs to baby proof the house just for me since I am such a klutz and accident prone.
bye for now!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Surprise in my schedule!!!
Well, I knew that I would have to take some pills to get ready for this, but I was not aware of having to take shots! I was under the impression that my donor would have to do that and not me! I am now armed with about 50 needles and let me tell you, they are not pretty. I took them out of my "goody" bag and I got woozy just looking at them. The Lupron ones are not so bad, but the Progesterone ones are HUGE!!!
Here is my schedule:
up to 08.20 = The Pill (already on this for 2 months)
08.14 to 08.20 = Lupron (shot), Pill
08.21 to 08.28 = Lupron
08.29 to 09.13 = Lupron, Estrace (estrogen), baby aspirin
09.13 = targeted Egg Retrieval
09.14 to 9.19 = Estrace, baby aspirin, Progesterone (shot), medrol
09.18 = targeted embryo transfer
09.20 until further instructions = Estrace, baby aspirin, Progesterone
The Pill = Puts me and donor in sync and suppresses ovaries
Lupron injections = suppress ovaries to enable doctor to control cycle
Estrace pills = estrogen to help build lining of uterus
Baby aspirin = increase blood flow to the uterus and aid in implantation of embryo
Medrol = steroid to decrease inflammation in uterus and help with implantation of embryo
Progesterone injection = helps prepare the uterine lining for implantation and continued development of embryo
Folic acid/ and prenatal vitamin = decrease the risk of certain birth defects
Work has been fairly warned that I am going through this process now. Luckily my boss's wife went through it so she is keeping my boss aware of what my emotions are going to be like. I think I may be a little emotional, but I am sure I will handle myself gracefully at work. It will be toughest on me when I am home alone.
I had a talk with my boss yesterday afternoon about how slow I am at work right now. He was already aware of it, but I wanted to make it clear that I am available to help out wherever I can. I don't like sitting here doing nothing all day long. My time is not being utilized and when I sit idle too long I start feeling dispensable. I have a few big projects that I am working on, but it is always hurry up and then wait. I am in the waiting mode right now. Soon they will be complete and unless we pick up some jobs, or I help out in payroll, I will be sitting idle for quite a while. It looks like in the near future they might transfer some payroll duties over to me. I am fine with that and I enjoy learning new things. It will be a good challenge for me and keeps my mind sharp!
I have been very lucky that I get to talk to Kirk everyday. We found that the later he calls me, the more time we can spend talking on the phone. He now has Internet as well, but only briefly each day and it is enough for him to write me a few sentences. He really likes his shift and the people he is working with. That eases my mind knowing that he is happy. We miss each other greatly, but we are strong enough to handle it and we know that this is right were we need to be now. It is great dreaming about our future!
Here is my schedule:
up to 08.20 = The Pill (already on this for 2 months)
08.14 to 08.20 = Lupron (shot), Pill
08.21 to 08.28 = Lupron
08.29 to 09.13 = Lupron, Estrace (estrogen), baby aspirin
09.13 = targeted Egg Retrieval
09.14 to 9.19 = Estrace, baby aspirin, Progesterone (shot), medrol
09.18 = targeted embryo transfer
09.20 until further instructions = Estrace, baby aspirin, Progesterone
The Pill = Puts me and donor in sync and suppresses ovaries
Lupron injections = suppress ovaries to enable doctor to control cycle
Estrace pills = estrogen to help build lining of uterus
Baby aspirin = increase blood flow to the uterus and aid in implantation of embryo
Medrol = steroid to decrease inflammation in uterus and help with implantation of embryo
Progesterone injection = helps prepare the uterine lining for implantation and continued development of embryo
Folic acid/ and prenatal vitamin = decrease the risk of certain birth defects
Work has been fairly warned that I am going through this process now. Luckily my boss's wife went through it so she is keeping my boss aware of what my emotions are going to be like. I think I may be a little emotional, but I am sure I will handle myself gracefully at work. It will be toughest on me when I am home alone.
I had a talk with my boss yesterday afternoon about how slow I am at work right now. He was already aware of it, but I wanted to make it clear that I am available to help out wherever I can. I don't like sitting here doing nothing all day long. My time is not being utilized and when I sit idle too long I start feeling dispensable. I have a few big projects that I am working on, but it is always hurry up and then wait. I am in the waiting mode right now. Soon they will be complete and unless we pick up some jobs, or I help out in payroll, I will be sitting idle for quite a while. It looks like in the near future they might transfer some payroll duties over to me. I am fine with that and I enjoy learning new things. It will be a good challenge for me and keeps my mind sharp!
I have been very lucky that I get to talk to Kirk everyday. We found that the later he calls me, the more time we can spend talking on the phone. He now has Internet as well, but only briefly each day and it is enough for him to write me a few sentences. He really likes his shift and the people he is working with. That eases my mind knowing that he is happy. We miss each other greatly, but we are strong enough to handle it and we know that this is right were we need to be now. It is great dreaming about our future!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Positive Affirmations!!
I found these on a forum I read and write to - I think this will help!!! Change the impossible to
I-M-Possible!!!
“A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes.”
Mahatma Gandhi
“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.”
W. Clement Stone
"Every thought of yours is a real thing---a force."
Prentice Mulford
"You create your own universe as you go along."
Winston Churchill
"Everyone visualizes whether he knows it or not. Visualizing is the great secret of success."
Genevieve Behrend
"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions."
Albert Einstein
"Whatever the mind can conceive it can achieve."
W. Clement Stone
"Success comes from within, not from without."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Ninety-nine percent of who you are is invisible and untouchable."
R. Buckminster-Fuller
"All power is from within and therefore under our control."
Robert Collier
"Whether you think you can or think you can't, either way you are right."
Henry Ford
"The real secret of power is consciousness of power."
Charles Haanel
“An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill
“You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”
Ralph Marston
“For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else.”
Winston Churchill
“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
William James
“Man is what he believes.”
Anton Chekhov
“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.”
Frank Lloyd Wright
“In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.”
John Lilly
“Some things have to be believed to be seen.”
Ralph Hodgson
“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
Norman Vincent Peale
“There are admirable potentialities in every human being. Believe in your strength and your youth. Learn to repeat endlessly to yourself, 'It all depends on me.' “
Andre Gide
“Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.”
Arnold Bennett
“Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.”
Arnold Palmer
“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.”
Samuel Johnson
“Act as if it were impossible to fail.” (My Favorite!!!)
Dorothea Brande
“Desire, ask, believe, receive.”
Stella Terrill Mann
“If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.”
William Hazlitt
“Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.”
Colin Powell
“Energy and persistence conquer all things.”
Benjamin Franklin
“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.”
Seneca
“Knowledge is power.”
Sir Francis Bacon
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.”
Abraham Lincoln
“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”
Unknown
“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.”
Samuel Johnson
“You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”
Rosalynn Carter
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”
Norman Vincent Peale
“It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures, new directions to grow in, and new lessons to learn - which is what life is all about.”
Oprah Winfrey
“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.”
Joe Namath
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.”
Abraham Lincoln
“To follow, without halt, one aim: There's the secret of success.”
Anna Pavlova
“Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture... Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.”
Norman Vincent Peale
“Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”
Reggie Leach
“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”
Albert Einstein
“See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”
Ralph Marston
“Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious.”
Bill Meyer
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”
William James
“Success is due less to ability than to zeal.”
Charles Buxton
"The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."
Vince Lombardi
"It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always."
Oprah Winfrey
"Vision is perhaps our greatest strength.. it has kept us alive to the power and continuity of thought through the centuries, it makes us peer into the future and lends shape to the unknown."
Li Ka Shing
"Continuous effort--not strength or intelligence--is the key to unlocking our potential."
Winston Churchill
"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it."
William Durant
“We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.”
Konrad Adenauer
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
Alex Karras
I-M-Possible!!!
“A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes.”
Mahatma Gandhi
“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.”
W. Clement Stone
"Every thought of yours is a real thing---a force."
Prentice Mulford
"You create your own universe as you go along."
Winston Churchill
"Everyone visualizes whether he knows it or not. Visualizing is the great secret of success."
Genevieve Behrend
"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions."
Albert Einstein
"Whatever the mind can conceive it can achieve."
W. Clement Stone
"Success comes from within, not from without."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Ninety-nine percent of who you are is invisible and untouchable."
R. Buckminster-Fuller
"All power is from within and therefore under our control."
Robert Collier
"Whether you think you can or think you can't, either way you are right."
Henry Ford
"The real secret of power is consciousness of power."
Charles Haanel
“An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill
“You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”
Ralph Marston
“For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else.”
Winston Churchill
“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
William James
“Man is what he believes.”
Anton Chekhov
“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.”
Frank Lloyd Wright
“In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.”
John Lilly
“Some things have to be believed to be seen.”
Ralph Hodgson
“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
Norman Vincent Peale
“There are admirable potentialities in every human being. Believe in your strength and your youth. Learn to repeat endlessly to yourself, 'It all depends on me.' “
Andre Gide
“Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.”
Arnold Bennett
“Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.”
Arnold Palmer
“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.”
Samuel Johnson
“Act as if it were impossible to fail.” (My Favorite!!!)
Dorothea Brande
“Desire, ask, believe, receive.”
Stella Terrill Mann
“If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.”
William Hazlitt
“Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.”
Colin Powell
“Energy and persistence conquer all things.”
Benjamin Franklin
“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.”
Seneca
“Knowledge is power.”
Sir Francis Bacon
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.”
Abraham Lincoln
“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”
Unknown
“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.”
Samuel Johnson
“You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”
Rosalynn Carter
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”
Norman Vincent Peale
“It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures, new directions to grow in, and new lessons to learn - which is what life is all about.”
Oprah Winfrey
“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.”
Joe Namath
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.”
Abraham Lincoln
“To follow, without halt, one aim: There's the secret of success.”
Anna Pavlova
“Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture... Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.”
Norman Vincent Peale
“Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”
Reggie Leach
“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”
Albert Einstein
“See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”
Ralph Marston
“Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious.”
Bill Meyer
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”
William James
“Success is due less to ability than to zeal.”
Charles Buxton
"The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."
Vince Lombardi
"It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always."
Oprah Winfrey
"Vision is perhaps our greatest strength.. it has kept us alive to the power and continuity of thought through the centuries, it makes us peer into the future and lends shape to the unknown."
Li Ka Shing
"Continuous effort--not strength or intelligence--is the key to unlocking our potential."
Winston Churchill
"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it."
William Durant
“We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.”
Konrad Adenauer
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
Alex Karras
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
We are set for lift off!
This past weekend I ventured out to California for my 20th high-school reunion. Friday night there was a meet up at the old pub we all used to hang out at - Hennesseys. I was kind of disappointed in this since I saw a lot of familiar faces, but only really knew a handful of people. And yes, there were some clicky girls that still snubbed their noses (kinda made me laugh - really? 20 years later your still a bitch??? wow...get over it!). Others I was pleasantly surprised with. Unfortunately, I could only recognize a few of the guys. I didn't hang out with most of them anyway so I guess it does not matter.
I was kinda over the reunion thing after Hennesseys and I really drug my feet about going on Saturday. In the end I figured it was only another 3 hours of my life and I could endure it. Wow...I am so glad that I went!!! I got to see some wonderful people that I had not talked to in years! Of course, I did not get to spend as much time with people as I had wanted to, but like I said - it was only three hours. By the end of the night my feet hurt from standing and my face hurt from smiling so much. I have rekindled some old friendships I thought lost long ago and I strengthened other friendships! Thanks to Amy, Maya, Karon and Danielle, along with everyone else the night turned from a "have to go" to a wonderful happy evening among good peeps (my husband hates it when I use that word!)!!!
Leaving Cali was very difficult on Sunday. I had such a good time I wanted another night of it. Plus, leaving my family is always difficult. This time, knowing that I probably won't be back for a long time really hit home. If I get pregnant, well - traveling is out for me. And then it will be a while before I can take a baby on the plane.
Which leads me to the Title of this post. This weekend I received a call from the Nurse. My donor is now ready!!! I go in tomorrow (Wednesday) to figure out the plan and get things started. I will be put on a strict schedule /calendar. I will have more information tomorrow!!! Woohooo!!!! Mr. Toads Wild Ride (That is a Disney Land reference for those non Californians) here we come!
I was kinda over the reunion thing after Hennesseys and I really drug my feet about going on Saturday. In the end I figured it was only another 3 hours of my life and I could endure it. Wow...I am so glad that I went!!! I got to see some wonderful people that I had not talked to in years! Of course, I did not get to spend as much time with people as I had wanted to, but like I said - it was only three hours. By the end of the night my feet hurt from standing and my face hurt from smiling so much. I have rekindled some old friendships I thought lost long ago and I strengthened other friendships! Thanks to Amy, Maya, Karon and Danielle, along with everyone else the night turned from a "have to go" to a wonderful happy evening among good peeps (my husband hates it when I use that word!)!!!
Leaving Cali was very difficult on Sunday. I had such a good time I wanted another night of it. Plus, leaving my family is always difficult. This time, knowing that I probably won't be back for a long time really hit home. If I get pregnant, well - traveling is out for me. And then it will be a while before I can take a baby on the plane.
Which leads me to the Title of this post. This weekend I received a call from the Nurse. My donor is now ready!!! I go in tomorrow (Wednesday) to figure out the plan and get things started. I will be put on a strict schedule /calendar. I will have more information tomorrow!!! Woohooo!!!! Mr. Toads Wild Ride (That is a Disney Land reference for those non Californians) here we come!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Maybe I was wrong?
I finally heard from my nurse and she gave me different information than what I was expecting. She told me that the facility I have chosen has an 80% pregnancy rate for my type of IVF. I then specifically asked for the stats on my age group and she assured me that those ARE the stats for my age group. Since I need a donor, my stats would be different than what you see on the web for generic IVF. And, since the majority of my type of IVF is in the age group of over 40, my stats are good!!!!
I love it when I am wrong! :)
I leave tomorrow night for California to visit my family and also attend my 20th High-school reunion. I am getting tired of these short trips. I would love to be able to spend some time out there and really get to visit my family along with many friends that I always seem to miss. But it is always nice to be able to see my family. Next month I will head to Michigan and spend a bit of time with my grandma.
Random thought: Have you ever taken a few strawberries, cut them up, and put them in a big glass of water. I have been doing that now for two days and I love it! I always do that with lemon, lime and cucumber. But I am loving the strawberries right now! The flavor of the water is great, plus it gives it a beautiful cheery color!
I love it when I am wrong! :)
I leave tomorrow night for California to visit my family and also attend my 20th High-school reunion. I am getting tired of these short trips. I would love to be able to spend some time out there and really get to visit my family along with many friends that I always seem to miss. But it is always nice to be able to see my family. Next month I will head to Michigan and spend a bit of time with my grandma.
Random thought: Have you ever taken a few strawberries, cut them up, and put them in a big glass of water. I have been doing that now for two days and I love it! I always do that with lemon, lime and cucumber. But I am loving the strawberries right now! The flavor of the water is great, plus it gives it a beautiful cheery color!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Statistics
I was doing a little research on line yesterday and found that I have been misled about my chances for IVF success. I am a fairly even keeled person but this really made me angry. There is nothing like having an anxiety attack at work and feeling lost over every decision I have made thus far.
I found that the facility I have chosen does not even rank in the top 20 in the United States, yet another facility in Houston is ranked number 7. The number one IVF facility in the nation is out of Oregon. I was told that my chances are as follows: National statistics are about 65%, but my facility is so successful that it is around 72%. This may actually be correct, however what they did not tell me was that for my age group it is only between 28% to 38% success rate. You can imagine my frustration going from having a 65% chance to a 28% chance - just weeks away from the procedures. Since my facility did not post their stats on the web, I emailed them yesterday and asked for them. I have yet to hear back, but I would expect them to comply. They have been very good with my care so far.
While this was a minor setback, I have decided not to let it change my mind or my thinking. If a spirit has chosen me and Kirk, then it will come, regardless of the stats. Sometimes I picture myself with a healthy uterus, ready for a baby. Other times I picture myself pregnant. I have many visions in my mind that help me stay on track and optimistic. Each morning, throughout the day and every night I say to myself (most of the time out loud) "I have a 100% chance of having happy healthy babies." I know this is helping me stay confident and focused.
Kirk left for offshore yesterday morning. Last night was my first night alone and I did not sleep very well. My plan was to get up early and go to the gym for a long swim. However, in the middle of the night I felt like I needed to take a long walk so I changed my mind and decided to hit the treadmill. When I actually got up to go - I went to take the dogs out and decided I needed to walk the dogs outside instead of the treadmill. So, we went for a long walk at 5:30 in the morning. It felt good to be with them and to feel the heat and humidity on me. I ended up going to the gym after that but found myself lost. I just wandered around for 30 minutes not doing anything. I finally got a good stretch and then went and sat in the steam room. It was a worthless trip, but I am still glad I got to spend the time this morning with my kiddos.
Since I don't feel like I got enough exercise, I will go to the pool tonight and swim. Then I will get up and do it all over again tomorrow morning. I need to get back into a routine.
I found that the facility I have chosen does not even rank in the top 20 in the United States, yet another facility in Houston is ranked number 7. The number one IVF facility in the nation is out of Oregon. I was told that my chances are as follows: National statistics are about 65%, but my facility is so successful that it is around 72%. This may actually be correct, however what they did not tell me was that for my age group it is only between 28% to 38% success rate. You can imagine my frustration going from having a 65% chance to a 28% chance - just weeks away from the procedures. Since my facility did not post their stats on the web, I emailed them yesterday and asked for them. I have yet to hear back, but I would expect them to comply. They have been very good with my care so far.
While this was a minor setback, I have decided not to let it change my mind or my thinking. If a spirit has chosen me and Kirk, then it will come, regardless of the stats. Sometimes I picture myself with a healthy uterus, ready for a baby. Other times I picture myself pregnant. I have many visions in my mind that help me stay on track and optimistic. Each morning, throughout the day and every night I say to myself (most of the time out loud) "I have a 100% chance of having happy healthy babies." I know this is helping me stay confident and focused.
Kirk left for offshore yesterday morning. Last night was my first night alone and I did not sleep very well. My plan was to get up early and go to the gym for a long swim. However, in the middle of the night I felt like I needed to take a long walk so I changed my mind and decided to hit the treadmill. When I actually got up to go - I went to take the dogs out and decided I needed to walk the dogs outside instead of the treadmill. So, we went for a long walk at 5:30 in the morning. It felt good to be with them and to feel the heat and humidity on me. I ended up going to the gym after that but found myself lost. I just wandered around for 30 minutes not doing anything. I finally got a good stretch and then went and sat in the steam room. It was a worthless trip, but I am still glad I got to spend the time this morning with my kiddos.
Since I don't feel like I got enough exercise, I will go to the pool tonight and swim. Then I will get up and do it all over again tomorrow morning. I need to get back into a routine.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Our IVF
First, I know I cannot have children on my own. In spite of my family telling me that I can, I have the scientific proof to back that I have less than a 1% chance. If I have a miracle baby, I have less than a 2% chance of carrying it to term. This all has to do with the flow of hormones from my pituitary gland in my head to and from my ovaries. In normal menopause, the two chemicals going back and forth between these organs slows down when eggs are no longer viable. In my case, the two are just not working together and one will fire off too much one week and then it will switch the next week. Not a single one of my extensive tests shows any type of pattern. They just fire willy nilly. So, without a true name for my crazy hormonal behavior they diagnosed me with peri-menopause (premature menopause). These hormones are vital for not only conceiving a child but also maintaining a healthy environment for their survival.
Now, say I did have healthy eggs and could get pregnant. Well, I mentioned in a previous post, I have one too many spacers on my DNA chain to have a healthy baby boy. This new technology is amazing. I can't remember the name of it at the moment. For some reason it always seems to slips my mind.
So, our choices are either go through with the IVF, or look into adoption. I will talk about our research in to adoption in another post. That seems to be a very long story - and unfortunately just as expensive as IVF. Right now, if I have the chance to bond with a baby by carrying it and it also share DNA with my husband, then I would rather try that first. After much research, and long talks with Kirk, we finally came to the conclusion that IVF is our fist priority. If that does not work, we will look further in to foster and adoption programs.
Step one - take all tests possible to make sure you are a candidate for IVF. Let me assure you that the costs of these tests are NOT included in the cost of the IVF program. The good news is that most of them are covered under medical insurance. However, once we truly enter the program, nothing further will be covered. It is out of our own pockets as well as being able to use the medical spending accounts through work. I think the decision to go through IVF was a no brainer for me. It was the monetary part that caused us the greatest amount of stress. And it is the main reason it took us over a year to finally go through with it.
Step two - choose a donor. I already explained this process earlier. I am pretty sure we picked a good one. She was not on the list the first time we looked and we were happy to see her. We had a huge problem with the list of donors. It was hard to choose one since we did not really like any of them. Now, I am not saying this was the case, but it appeared that they were there just to make money. Some even looked like they came from poverty and looked like they live a very hard life. Most were not educated, and I kid you not - could not even spell or form a structured sentance. I am a terrible speller so when I think someone is worse than me, I know there is a problem. Several did not bother to fill out the questionaire about family history or answer questions about themselves. And the cherry on top was the ones that posted ameture "sexy" photos of themseves.
Our top 4 were decent looking young woman that were either highly educated or highly articulate. All of them had some form of uniqueness to them that we liked. Then we went down to our top three and it was a tough decision from there. But the one we settled on as a top pick was a little gem. She appeared to be a well rounded, carismatic and compassionate person. Our number two pick was very comparable to #1, but she had blue eyes instead of hazel. If # 1 was not available we would hopefully get #2. #1 is ready and willing. Our start date is hopefully this week. She is supposed to start her cycle on August 3rd. Once she does, we go to a strict calendar. The whole process should take about 5-6 weeks.
Step three - that is where we are at right now. Once we start the process I will write more. Please keep us in your positive thoughts and prayers. We need all the help we can get!
Now, say I did have healthy eggs and could get pregnant. Well, I mentioned in a previous post, I have one too many spacers on my DNA chain to have a healthy baby boy. This new technology is amazing. I can't remember the name of it at the moment. For some reason it always seems to slips my mind.
So, our choices are either go through with the IVF, or look into adoption. I will talk about our research in to adoption in another post. That seems to be a very long story - and unfortunately just as expensive as IVF. Right now, if I have the chance to bond with a baby by carrying it and it also share DNA with my husband, then I would rather try that first. After much research, and long talks with Kirk, we finally came to the conclusion that IVF is our fist priority. If that does not work, we will look further in to foster and adoption programs.
Step one - take all tests possible to make sure you are a candidate for IVF. Let me assure you that the costs of these tests are NOT included in the cost of the IVF program. The good news is that most of them are covered under medical insurance. However, once we truly enter the program, nothing further will be covered. It is out of our own pockets as well as being able to use the medical spending accounts through work. I think the decision to go through IVF was a no brainer for me. It was the monetary part that caused us the greatest amount of stress. And it is the main reason it took us over a year to finally go through with it.
Step two - choose a donor. I already explained this process earlier. I am pretty sure we picked a good one. She was not on the list the first time we looked and we were happy to see her. We had a huge problem with the list of donors. It was hard to choose one since we did not really like any of them. Now, I am not saying this was the case, but it appeared that they were there just to make money. Some even looked like they came from poverty and looked like they live a very hard life. Most were not educated, and I kid you not - could not even spell or form a structured sentance. I am a terrible speller so when I think someone is worse than me, I know there is a problem. Several did not bother to fill out the questionaire about family history or answer questions about themselves. And the cherry on top was the ones that posted ameture "sexy" photos of themseves.
Our top 4 were decent looking young woman that were either highly educated or highly articulate. All of them had some form of uniqueness to them that we liked. Then we went down to our top three and it was a tough decision from there. But the one we settled on as a top pick was a little gem. She appeared to be a well rounded, carismatic and compassionate person. Our number two pick was very comparable to #1, but she had blue eyes instead of hazel. If # 1 was not available we would hopefully get #2. #1 is ready and willing. Our start date is hopefully this week. She is supposed to start her cycle on August 3rd. Once she does, we go to a strict calendar. The whole process should take about 5-6 weeks.
Step three - that is where we are at right now. Once we start the process I will write more. Please keep us in your positive thoughts and prayers. We need all the help we can get!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Minor setback
Like I said in one of my other posts - my mom always said I was special. I am so special this week that I have moderate osteopenia. That is the steps right behind osteoporosis (bone loss). I can attribute this to being allergic to milk while growing up and not having a calcium supplement. I can also attribute it to early menopause. It seems like a never ending battle with my health and all I want to do in life.
The good news is that it is treatable. I have already ordered my Vitamin D, Calcium and Prenatal prescribed by the doctor. I have to take 1500 mg of Calcium a day, and of course enough Vit D to wash it down. I was also ordered to take at least 800 mcg of Folic acid. That part I am covering in my Prenatals.
Kirk and I went to Baby's R Us to look around. We were overwhelmed with all of the stuff and it actually made me have a small bout of anxiety. Too much too fast I guess. When there 100 types of strollers how do you know you are picking the right one? Our goal was to each pick out some newborn clothes. He was to pick out the boy stuff and I was picking out the girl stuff. I wanted to buy every cute little dress I saw. We finally left the store with a pink onesy, cute flowery shirt, and a blue jumper with an anchor on it. These items are placed around the house to constantly remind us of the little one that may enter our lives. It brings us such joy - which is more positive affirmation! I plan on going shopping again this weekend, yes Kirk in tow. I want to make sure something is hanging from every door knob! I want to get some baby soap and use it in the shower so that I can smell it and picture holding and breathing in our baby.
I am always open to other ideas if anyone has some!
On the spiritual side, I can't help but pray that a spirit (or two) chooses us to be their parents. I am looking forward to finding out!
The good news is that it is treatable. I have already ordered my Vitamin D, Calcium and Prenatal prescribed by the doctor. I have to take 1500 mg of Calcium a day, and of course enough Vit D to wash it down. I was also ordered to take at least 800 mcg of Folic acid. That part I am covering in my Prenatals.
Kirk and I went to Baby's R Us to look around. We were overwhelmed with all of the stuff and it actually made me have a small bout of anxiety. Too much too fast I guess. When there 100 types of strollers how do you know you are picking the right one? Our goal was to each pick out some newborn clothes. He was to pick out the boy stuff and I was picking out the girl stuff. I wanted to buy every cute little dress I saw. We finally left the store with a pink onesy, cute flowery shirt, and a blue jumper with an anchor on it. These items are placed around the house to constantly remind us of the little one that may enter our lives. It brings us such joy - which is more positive affirmation! I plan on going shopping again this weekend, yes Kirk in tow. I want to make sure something is hanging from every door knob! I want to get some baby soap and use it in the shower so that I can smell it and picture holding and breathing in our baby.
I am always open to other ideas if anyone has some!
On the spiritual side, I can't help but pray that a spirit (or two) chooses us to be their parents. I am looking forward to finding out!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Spoiled - almost rotten
I complain about the way my husband, Kirk, spoils our two doggie kiddos Bailey and Sadie. When he is home we go through dog food and treats like there is no tomorrow. I stock the pantry full of treats that should last a few months. I want to give them variety. Well, when Kirk is home, those treats last just over two weeks. When our 80 pound pooch has 4 gigantic poops a day - you know you are feeding them too much. Kirk says that it is because he does not get to see them very much and he has a right to spoil them. I will give him that, but he already spoils them with so much love, the treats are an added bonus. When he comes home, the three of them are stuck together like Velcro for at least 24 hours.
The truth is, he spoils all of us when he is home. I think I get the better end of the deal, though he feeds me too much too. Hahaha. He cooks all of our meals and even cleans the kitchen afterwards. He places the food on our plate to mimic a fancy chef, just to show off his culinary skills and to make me feel like I am so important that only the best should be given to me. He cleans the house, washes clothes, does the shopping, etc. When I come home from work I get a big hug and kiss and he tells me how much he misses me and loves me. On weekends, we hang with nature most of the time. We go on bike rides, walks, hikes and swim. Even though I am not working on the weekends, he still lets me slack a little bit. But by then I feel so thankful and loved, that I want to clean the house and do special things just because I want to give him a break and make him feel special.
I have three love notes sitting on my desk at work that he wrote and snuck in to my lunch bag. I have many more at home scattered around the house. All of them tell me I am beautiful and very much loved.
Obviously we have our problems just like other couples do. But I can honestly say, I am a very lucky woman. Bailey, Sadie and I won the lottery when it comes to Kirk. I am very lucky to have found a man that loves Bailey and Sadie as much as I do and takes such good care of us. I love him so much and miss him when he goes off to work. He leaves tomorrow for a big job and won't be home for almost 2 months. I am already sad just preparing for his departure.
The truth is, he spoils all of us when he is home. I think I get the better end of the deal, though he feeds me too much too. Hahaha. He cooks all of our meals and even cleans the kitchen afterwards. He places the food on our plate to mimic a fancy chef, just to show off his culinary skills and to make me feel like I am so important that only the best should be given to me. He cleans the house, washes clothes, does the shopping, etc. When I come home from work I get a big hug and kiss and he tells me how much he misses me and loves me. On weekends, we hang with nature most of the time. We go on bike rides, walks, hikes and swim. Even though I am not working on the weekends, he still lets me slack a little bit. But by then I feel so thankful and loved, that I want to clean the house and do special things just because I want to give him a break and make him feel special.
I have three love notes sitting on my desk at work that he wrote and snuck in to my lunch bag. I have many more at home scattered around the house. All of them tell me I am beautiful and very much loved.
Obviously we have our problems just like other couples do. But I can honestly say, I am a very lucky woman. Bailey, Sadie and I won the lottery when it comes to Kirk. I am very lucky to have found a man that loves Bailey and Sadie as much as I do and takes such good care of us. I love him so much and miss him when he goes off to work. He leaves tomorrow for a big job and won't be home for almost 2 months. I am already sad just preparing for his departure.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Who's my neighbor?!?!
Kirk and I love to go across the street from our apartment complex into the rich neighborhood. It is nice to take the dogs through on a walk, or ride our bikes down the tree covered streets. The houses are sitting on a few acres - which is rare for that area. It is like a little hidden treasure close to uptown. There are small and big houses and even just plots of land waiting for a house. We like to peer in through the gates and dream about what we would do with a yard and a house like that. Other times we laugh at the ridiculous architecture or gaudy accents. It is amazing what people can do with their houses. One even has a fake grass driveway - mind you the rest of the yard is real grass.
Our favorite thing about this neighborhood is the peacocks. One of our lovely neighbors decided to get a pair as pets. I have no idea how many years ago that was, but I can assure you they have multiplied like rabbits. Now they are all over the neighborhood and in the streets. The males are so beautiful, especially during mating season. I could sit and watch them for hours.
One day Kirk and I were at the pool hanging out with one of our neighbors. We were talking about the neighborhood across the street and the peacocks. Then he mentioned that the house on the corner (the one with three massive buildings on it) was Yao Mings house. Could this be? Are we neighbors to a famous basketball player? It appears the main mansion is Yao Mings house, the second mansion is where his family lives and the third - the larges of the three - is Yao's personal gymnasium, complete with an indoor basketball court. I guess it makes sense that would be his property - right across the street (on my side of the neighborhood) is the Yao Ming family restaurant. Pretty cool...
I drive by his house everyday after work - that neighborhood my shortcut home from the main streets. I can't help but look at that house now and wonder who is there at that moment. I am sure there are other famous people on that street. I guess I am better not knowing. Especially since I like waiving to my new neighbor Yao!
Our favorite thing about this neighborhood is the peacocks. One of our lovely neighbors decided to get a pair as pets. I have no idea how many years ago that was, but I can assure you they have multiplied like rabbits. Now they are all over the neighborhood and in the streets. The males are so beautiful, especially during mating season. I could sit and watch them for hours.
One day Kirk and I were at the pool hanging out with one of our neighbors. We were talking about the neighborhood across the street and the peacocks. Then he mentioned that the house on the corner (the one with three massive buildings on it) was Yao Mings house. Could this be? Are we neighbors to a famous basketball player? It appears the main mansion is Yao Mings house, the second mansion is where his family lives and the third - the larges of the three - is Yao's personal gymnasium, complete with an indoor basketball court. I guess it makes sense that would be his property - right across the street (on my side of the neighborhood) is the Yao Ming family restaurant. Pretty cool...
I drive by his house everyday after work - that neighborhood my shortcut home from the main streets. I can't help but look at that house now and wonder who is there at that moment. I am sure there are other famous people on that street. I guess I am better not knowing. Especially since I like waiving to my new neighbor Yao!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sonohistogram
Such a long word - sonohistogram. And it is one I wish to never hear again in my lifetime. This was the last of my testing for the IVF - a simple procedure that should take about 15 minutes. They take a sonogram from the inside of your uterus to make sure that there are no problems with implantation - a smooth uterus per se.
My mom always said I was special. I hate it when she is right. I am so special that my cervix was too small for the simple procedure. My poor husband accompanied me - and after seeing me in such pain with tears streaming down my face and the two nurses and one doctor trying everything they can - he turned white as a ghost! One of the nurses stated this only happens in about one out of 50 people they see. I am so special that it took me two days to recover, while the woman that was ahead of me practically skipped out of the hospital. I slept for nearly 12 hours that first night and 9 hours the next night. Today I am finally walking at regular speed and just have some minor cramping.
Here is the run down on the IVF proceedures - we obviously had to get an egg donor. One reason is because with early menopause, I no longer have any good eggs. Second, after major testing, we found that I have one too many spacers on my DNA chain. This is fairly new technology and what it tells us is that if we were to have a girl with my egg she would be healthy because she would get one X from me and one X from Kirk. If we were to have a boy, he would be mentally handicapped because he would only be getting one X from me and a Y from Kirk. Without Kirks X, chances would be slim to have a healthy boy. After discovering this, I found out that I have a friend that has the same problem - and she has a son.
So, my eggs exit stage left and in walks anonymous donor number 1. Kirk and I were given a database full of woman that were donating their eggs. We typed in our criteria and up popped about 10 woman with brown hair and hazel eyes. They were as close to my characteristics as we could get. We had gone through this process once before and picked out our top 4 donors. But with the delay in the process, we did not choose one. To my delight, there were some new faces in the crowd to review. I picked out my top three and then Kirk viewed his. We settled on three hoping one of them would be available. Our number one pick had been a donor before and was everything we were looking for - except she is a bit shorter than me. But she is bright (college educated) articulate, and talented (she sings in the church band). Well, miss anonymous donor number 1 was center stage with the spotlight beaming - and she was available!!!
Soooooo, our process begins around August 3, which is when #1 will be ready. The exact date is not set yet, but once she is fully ready we will then begin operation countdown. The whole process should take about 5-6 weeks. Keep us in your optimistic prayers!
My mom always said I was special. I hate it when she is right. I am so special that my cervix was too small for the simple procedure. My poor husband accompanied me - and after seeing me in such pain with tears streaming down my face and the two nurses and one doctor trying everything they can - he turned white as a ghost! One of the nurses stated this only happens in about one out of 50 people they see. I am so special that it took me two days to recover, while the woman that was ahead of me practically skipped out of the hospital. I slept for nearly 12 hours that first night and 9 hours the next night. Today I am finally walking at regular speed and just have some minor cramping.
Here is the run down on the IVF proceedures - we obviously had to get an egg donor. One reason is because with early menopause, I no longer have any good eggs. Second, after major testing, we found that I have one too many spacers on my DNA chain. This is fairly new technology and what it tells us is that if we were to have a girl with my egg she would be healthy because she would get one X from me and one X from Kirk. If we were to have a boy, he would be mentally handicapped because he would only be getting one X from me and a Y from Kirk. Without Kirks X, chances would be slim to have a healthy boy. After discovering this, I found out that I have a friend that has the same problem - and she has a son.
So, my eggs exit stage left and in walks anonymous donor number 1. Kirk and I were given a database full of woman that were donating their eggs. We typed in our criteria and up popped about 10 woman with brown hair and hazel eyes. They were as close to my characteristics as we could get. We had gone through this process once before and picked out our top 4 donors. But with the delay in the process, we did not choose one. To my delight, there were some new faces in the crowd to review. I picked out my top three and then Kirk viewed his. We settled on three hoping one of them would be available. Our number one pick had been a donor before and was everything we were looking for - except she is a bit shorter than me. But she is bright (college educated) articulate, and talented (she sings in the church band). Well, miss anonymous donor number 1 was center stage with the spotlight beaming - and she was available!!!
Soooooo, our process begins around August 3, which is when #1 will be ready. The exact date is not set yet, but once she is fully ready we will then begin operation countdown. The whole process should take about 5-6 weeks. Keep us in your optimistic prayers!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Day ??? of 30 Day Challenge
I can honestly say that this it the toughest program I have committed myself to. Everything I read said that the first week was going to be the hardest. They were wrong, from my standpoint. I have learned that I can do just about anything for week. I excelled at this - along with going to the gym every morning before work.
Week two was much harder. Kirk came home and I had a hard time getting up in the morning to go to the gym. Then I was too excited in the evenings after work to go. I wanted to spend as much time with my husband as possible knowing he would be leaving soon. And of course when he is home he takes care of everything - cooking, cleaning, kiddo walking... this in turn makes me a very spoiled lump on the couch. And his cooking does not help my enthusiasm of staying on this challenge.
Kirk read the "book" on what I am allowed to eat and what I am not. He has been very good at cooking within my limits. Every once in a while he will throw something in extra just for him. For example, he made his homemade pasta sauce. I cannot eat pasta so he made spaghetti for himself and we steamed some broccoli for me. I cheated by adding a little bit of parmesan on my broccoli and pasta sauce. It was a small cheat, but a cheat none the less.
Since the parmesan incident, I have been cheating a bit here and there. I am only exercising about 4-5 times a week and I have Parmesan on my salads as well as a bit of milk in my coffee every now and then. All in all I am doing rather well, but not what I expected of myself. Some of my cheats make me feel so guilty or bad that I then get depressed and cheat more. For instance, last week someone brought in a cake. Those of you that know me know I cannot pass up cake. It is a terrible addiction I can't yet control. If I was alone with that cake, there would be none left for anyone else. So, I had a very small sliver - trying to curb my addiction and control my amounts. That was it! After that I had cake fever and had another larger piece. The guilt kicked in and I got depressed for doing so bad. Depression like that is terrible for me because I think "well, I have already ruined the whole day so I might as well eat what I want". Next thing I know I have 5 cookies in my hand - well two cookies in my hand, two in my stomach and one in my mouth. After that I felt enough guilt and stomach sickness that I decided that won't happen again. It is amazing when you are eating so clean how badly things affect you. All of that sugar and processed foods just tore up my digestive system. I don't care how bad my addiction is - I don't want to have to go through that again.
Why am I doing this? Well, there are several reasons. Since I have been married I have gained 20 pounds. Kirk loves me just the way I am - at any size. Fortunately for me, I don't love myself at this size. I am comfortable, but would rather be at a better, healthier weight. The start of my challenge I weighed 160. I want to get back to around 130 to 140. I want to look good and feel good not only for me but for Kirk. He deserves to have a beautiful woman by his side. The next reason is for my health. I have so many allergies, it actually feels good to take away all the stuff that causes me reactions. I have always been allergic to wheat and milk, but in my adult life, I was not sure what those reactions were anymore since they were incorporated in my daily life. I don't always feel the difference, but I can see it. I am not as swollen - my skin looks different, my throat and tonsils are not inflamed all the time and my digestive tract works a little bit better.
Lastly, I am doing it to help me get pregnant. I hit early menopause several years ago and have been tested over and over again just to be sure. Kirk and I researched all of our options and decided that we wanted to try In Vetro Fertilization (IVF). We have been planning this for a year and the time has finally come. Everything is in place now for us to move forward. We have chosen our oocyte (egg) donor, kirk has had all of his testing and I will be finishing my testing this week. If all goes right, I should be pregnant by mid September. I understand our chance are about 65%, but I will be thinking and manifesting it to be 100%. I need to stay positive and keep my mind and body optimistic. I will fill you in more on IVF the next go around.
Oh - and by the way - I have now lost 5 pounds and am gaining some good muscle tone. I even found a yoga class I really like. But it is only available for me once a week.
Week two was much harder. Kirk came home and I had a hard time getting up in the morning to go to the gym. Then I was too excited in the evenings after work to go. I wanted to spend as much time with my husband as possible knowing he would be leaving soon. And of course when he is home he takes care of everything - cooking, cleaning, kiddo walking... this in turn makes me a very spoiled lump on the couch. And his cooking does not help my enthusiasm of staying on this challenge.
Kirk read the "book" on what I am allowed to eat and what I am not. He has been very good at cooking within my limits. Every once in a while he will throw something in extra just for him. For example, he made his homemade pasta sauce. I cannot eat pasta so he made spaghetti for himself and we steamed some broccoli for me. I cheated by adding a little bit of parmesan on my broccoli and pasta sauce. It was a small cheat, but a cheat none the less.
Since the parmesan incident, I have been cheating a bit here and there. I am only exercising about 4-5 times a week and I have Parmesan on my salads as well as a bit of milk in my coffee every now and then. All in all I am doing rather well, but not what I expected of myself. Some of my cheats make me feel so guilty or bad that I then get depressed and cheat more. For instance, last week someone brought in a cake. Those of you that know me know I cannot pass up cake. It is a terrible addiction I can't yet control. If I was alone with that cake, there would be none left for anyone else. So, I had a very small sliver - trying to curb my addiction and control my amounts. That was it! After that I had cake fever and had another larger piece. The guilt kicked in and I got depressed for doing so bad. Depression like that is terrible for me because I think "well, I have already ruined the whole day so I might as well eat what I want". Next thing I know I have 5 cookies in my hand - well two cookies in my hand, two in my stomach and one in my mouth. After that I felt enough guilt and stomach sickness that I decided that won't happen again. It is amazing when you are eating so clean how badly things affect you. All of that sugar and processed foods just tore up my digestive system. I don't care how bad my addiction is - I don't want to have to go through that again.
Why am I doing this? Well, there are several reasons. Since I have been married I have gained 20 pounds. Kirk loves me just the way I am - at any size. Fortunately for me, I don't love myself at this size. I am comfortable, but would rather be at a better, healthier weight. The start of my challenge I weighed 160. I want to get back to around 130 to 140. I want to look good and feel good not only for me but for Kirk. He deserves to have a beautiful woman by his side. The next reason is for my health. I have so many allergies, it actually feels good to take away all the stuff that causes me reactions. I have always been allergic to wheat and milk, but in my adult life, I was not sure what those reactions were anymore since they were incorporated in my daily life. I don't always feel the difference, but I can see it. I am not as swollen - my skin looks different, my throat and tonsils are not inflamed all the time and my digestive tract works a little bit better.
Lastly, I am doing it to help me get pregnant. I hit early menopause several years ago and have been tested over and over again just to be sure. Kirk and I researched all of our options and decided that we wanted to try In Vetro Fertilization (IVF). We have been planning this for a year and the time has finally come. Everything is in place now for us to move forward. We have chosen our oocyte (egg) donor, kirk has had all of his testing and I will be finishing my testing this week. If all goes right, I should be pregnant by mid September. I understand our chance are about 65%, but I will be thinking and manifesting it to be 100%. I need to stay positive and keep my mind and body optimistic. I will fill you in more on IVF the next go around.
Oh - and by the way - I have now lost 5 pounds and am gaining some good muscle tone. I even found a yoga class I really like. But it is only available for me once a week.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Day 3 of 30 day challenge
This 30 day challenge is tough - but not too tough for me! I am on day 3 of the whole30 along with morning gym workouts. I am only doing low impact. I figure it was more than what I was doing before and I need to make it enjoyable. I joined a gym that allows me to pretend like I am at a spa. Day 1 I walked on the treadmill and then sat in the steam room. Day two was 45 minutes in the pool followed by sauna and steamroom. Today was a light walk, 25 reps on each ab machine and then some agility and stretching - followed by the steamroom. Tomorrow I think I will do the treadmill again and then hit the spa...and of course the steamroom. It is easy for me to go early in the morning. Then I can get ready there. It makes me feel like I am justifying the monthly cost - I use their towels, soap, lotion, q-tips, mouthwash, blowdryr, electricity and water. And I can taylor my workout to pretty much anything. This weekend I am going to try out the yoga class - maybe even a kickboxing class.
Kirk is working in Dallas and had to test today for the underwater welding job coming up. He will find out in the next couple of days if he could come home until the job goes out. I sure hope he does - I miss him so much when he is gone!
Kirk is working in Dallas and had to test today for the underwater welding job coming up. He will find out in the next couple of days if he could come home until the job goes out. I sure hope he does - I miss him so much when he is gone!
Monday, June 27, 2011
A year has passed
I believe my lasts posts were returning home from Dubai, getting married and moving to Sugar Land. A lot has happened since that time. I am hoping to now be able to keep up with the monthly activities on here.
October 2010 I was asked to interview for a pipeline company in Houston. I did not want the position since Kirk could go anywhere and I would follow. After talking it over with Kirk, we decided I should go on the interview for practice. It turns out I really liked the company...and they really liked me. Since both Kirk and I had been out of work for 4 months, when the offer came in the very next day I accepted it. I was the new Senior HR Administrator (the only HR person for the entire company).
The house we were living in...well...we found out we were not really supposed to be living there. It was a nightmare. At a glance, we were squatters. We had permission from the wrong person to be there. On top of that, the house was essentially a tear down house. It needed to be demolished and rebuilt. It was infested with mold and cockroaches and there was mice droppings everywhere (although I never saw a rodent). With my allergies, that house made me very sick. Right before we moved out the neighbor told us that a man was killed in the living room of the house and they were not sure if it was murder or a suicide. Ugh....
Luckily, the owners were very nice and were pleased with all of the work we had done on it. They allowed us to stay a few weeks longer after they found out we were there so that we could find a place to live. With the new job, we moved into an apartment. It did not take long for my health to improve.
Kirk took a freelance job in Virginia. We were hoping that it would work out and we could move to the East Coast. However, it turned out to be work Kirk didn't like. He then worked for a local company here in Houston for a few months. It helped pay the bills but again it was not a good fit for us.
This month, Kirk finally found a company and a position that he really likes. He is back to doing what he loves and will be learning some new welding techniques (underwater of course). They are keeping him very busy and I don't get to see him much. The time we spend together is precious and we are inseparable when he is home (other than me going to work). His next job goes out around July 15th and he will be gone for at least 45 days.
Last week we bought a "new" car! With Kirk working out of the Dallas office, one car was no longer feasible. He took the 2001 Jeep since it would be sitting in a yard when he is offshore. I got the 2008 Ford Edge. We went shopping and I had actually picked out another car. The Edge was parked right next to it and I really liked it. Once I sat in it, well....it was sold.
This past weekend, we met a group of friends for the annual river trip on the Guadalupe River near Austin. We had people from Houston, Austin and Dallas attend. It was a great time with some great people! We all chipped in on groceries and took turns making "our specialties". I found two recipes that I consider keepers for me to start making. In fact I made one last night and I will be making the other in the near future!
It has been almost 9 months working for my new company and it has been a roller coaster. It has it's ups and downs. Right now is a down turn with no foreseeable work ahead. Luckily, I have a pretty steady position. I enjoy what I do and I enjoy the employees even more. I have made some great friends!
Today I started a personal 30 day challenge. I joined Lifetime gym with my first workout this morning at 6:00 am. I am also on a restricted diet - cutting out sugar (accept for 2 servings of fruit), dairy, grains, potatoes, rice, pasta, etc. I can have meat and veggies only with a bit of fruit in the morning. Today was not tough, but the next few days ahead will be. Oh, and I really enjoy this gym! I worked out on the treadmill, stretched and then sat is the steam room before hitting the shower. They supply everything but a toothbrush, toothpaste and makeup. It made working out seem like a spa day. I actually can't wait to work out again tomorrow! I weigh in at my heaviest ever - 160 pounds. I am hoping to be in shape for my 20 year high-school reunion at the end of August!
October 2010 I was asked to interview for a pipeline company in Houston. I did not want the position since Kirk could go anywhere and I would follow. After talking it over with Kirk, we decided I should go on the interview for practice. It turns out I really liked the company...and they really liked me. Since both Kirk and I had been out of work for 4 months, when the offer came in the very next day I accepted it. I was the new Senior HR Administrator (the only HR person for the entire company).
The house we were living in...well...we found out we were not really supposed to be living there. It was a nightmare. At a glance, we were squatters. We had permission from the wrong person to be there. On top of that, the house was essentially a tear down house. It needed to be demolished and rebuilt. It was infested with mold and cockroaches and there was mice droppings everywhere (although I never saw a rodent). With my allergies, that house made me very sick. Right before we moved out the neighbor told us that a man was killed in the living room of the house and they were not sure if it was murder or a suicide. Ugh....
Luckily, the owners were very nice and were pleased with all of the work we had done on it. They allowed us to stay a few weeks longer after they found out we were there so that we could find a place to live. With the new job, we moved into an apartment. It did not take long for my health to improve.
Kirk took a freelance job in Virginia. We were hoping that it would work out and we could move to the East Coast. However, it turned out to be work Kirk didn't like. He then worked for a local company here in Houston for a few months. It helped pay the bills but again it was not a good fit for us.
This month, Kirk finally found a company and a position that he really likes. He is back to doing what he loves and will be learning some new welding techniques (underwater of course). They are keeping him very busy and I don't get to see him much. The time we spend together is precious and we are inseparable when he is home (other than me going to work). His next job goes out around July 15th and he will be gone for at least 45 days.
Last week we bought a "new" car! With Kirk working out of the Dallas office, one car was no longer feasible. He took the 2001 Jeep since it would be sitting in a yard when he is offshore. I got the 2008 Ford Edge. We went shopping and I had actually picked out another car. The Edge was parked right next to it and I really liked it. Once I sat in it, well....it was sold.
This past weekend, we met a group of friends for the annual river trip on the Guadalupe River near Austin. We had people from Houston, Austin and Dallas attend. It was a great time with some great people! We all chipped in on groceries and took turns making "our specialties". I found two recipes that I consider keepers for me to start making. In fact I made one last night and I will be making the other in the near future!
It has been almost 9 months working for my new company and it has been a roller coaster. It has it's ups and downs. Right now is a down turn with no foreseeable work ahead. Luckily, I have a pretty steady position. I enjoy what I do and I enjoy the employees even more. I have made some great friends!
Today I started a personal 30 day challenge. I joined Lifetime gym with my first workout this morning at 6:00 am. I am also on a restricted diet - cutting out sugar (accept for 2 servings of fruit), dairy, grains, potatoes, rice, pasta, etc. I can have meat and veggies only with a bit of fruit in the morning. Today was not tough, but the next few days ahead will be. Oh, and I really enjoy this gym! I worked out on the treadmill, stretched and then sat is the steam room before hitting the shower. They supply everything but a toothbrush, toothpaste and makeup. It made working out seem like a spa day. I actually can't wait to work out again tomorrow! I weigh in at my heaviest ever - 160 pounds. I am hoping to be in shape for my 20 year high-school reunion at the end of August!
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