Statistics

I was doing a little research on line yesterday and found that I have been misled about my chances for IVF success.  I am a fairly even keeled person but this really made me angry.  There is nothing like having an anxiety attack at work and feeling lost over every decision I have made thus far.

I found that the facility I have chosen does not even rank in the top 20 in the United States, yet another facility in Houston is ranked number 7.  The number one IVF facility in the nation is out of Oregon.  I was told that my chances are as follows:  National statistics are about 65%, but my facility is so successful that it is around 72%.  This may actually be correct, however what they did not tell me was that for my age group it is only between 28% to 38% success rate.  You can imagine my frustration  going from having a 65% chance to a 28% chance - just weeks away from the procedures.  Since my facility did not post their stats on the web, I emailed them yesterday and asked for them.  I have yet to hear back, but I would expect them to comply.  They have been very good with my care so far.

While this was a minor setback, I have decided not to let it change my mind or my thinking.  If a spirit has chosen me and Kirk, then it will come, regardless of the stats.  Sometimes I picture myself with a healthy uterus, ready for a baby.  Other times I picture myself pregnant.  I have many visions in my mind that help me stay on track and optimistic.  Each morning, throughout the day and every night I say to myself (most of the time out loud) "I have a 100% chance of having happy healthy babies."  I know this is helping me stay confident and focused.

Kirk left for offshore yesterday morning.  Last night was my first night alone and I did not sleep very well.  My plan was to get up early and go to the gym for a long swim.  However, in the middle of the night I felt like I needed to take a long walk so I changed my mind and decided to hit the treadmill.  When I actually got up to go - I went to take the dogs out and decided I needed to walk the dogs outside instead of the treadmill.  So, we went for a long walk at 5:30 in the morning.  It felt good to be with them and to feel the heat and humidity on me.  I ended up going to the gym after that but found myself lost.  I just wandered around for 30 minutes not doing anything.  I finally got a good stretch and then went and sat in the steam room.  It was a worthless trip, but I am still glad I got to spend the time this morning with my kiddos.

Since I don't feel like I got enough exercise, I will go to the pool tonight and swim.  Then I will get up and do it all over again tomorrow morning.  I need to get back into a routine.