I can honestly say that this it the toughest program I have committed myself to. Everything I read said that the first week was going to be the hardest. They were wrong, from my standpoint. I have learned that I can do just about anything for week. I excelled at this - along with going to the gym every morning before work.
Week two was much harder. Kirk came home and I had a hard time getting up in the morning to go to the gym. Then I was too excited in the evenings after work to go. I wanted to spend as much time with my husband as possible knowing he would be leaving soon. And of course when he is home he takes care of everything - cooking, cleaning, kiddo walking... this in turn makes me a very spoiled lump on the couch. And his cooking does not help my enthusiasm of staying on this challenge.
Kirk read the "book" on what I am allowed to eat and what I am not. He has been very good at cooking within my limits. Every once in a while he will throw something in extra just for him. For example, he made his homemade pasta sauce. I cannot eat pasta so he made spaghetti for himself and we steamed some broccoli for me. I cheated by adding a little bit of parmesan on my broccoli and pasta sauce. It was a small cheat, but a cheat none the less.
Since the parmesan incident, I have been cheating a bit here and there. I am only exercising about 4-5 times a week and I have Parmesan on my salads as well as a bit of milk in my coffee every now and then. All in all I am doing rather well, but not what I expected of myself. Some of my cheats make me feel so guilty or bad that I then get depressed and cheat more. For instance, last week someone brought in a cake. Those of you that know me know I cannot pass up cake. It is a terrible addiction I can't yet control. If I was alone with that cake, there would be none left for anyone else. So, I had a very small sliver - trying to curb my addiction and control my amounts. That was it! After that I had cake fever and had another larger piece. The guilt kicked in and I got depressed for doing so bad. Depression like that is terrible for me because I think "well, I have already ruined the whole day so I might as well eat what I want". Next thing I know I have 5 cookies in my hand - well two cookies in my hand, two in my stomach and one in my mouth. After that I felt enough guilt and stomach sickness that I decided that won't happen again. It is amazing when you are eating so clean how badly things affect you. All of that sugar and processed foods just tore up my digestive system. I don't care how bad my addiction is - I don't want to have to go through that again.
Why am I doing this? Well, there are several reasons. Since I have been married I have gained 20 pounds. Kirk loves me just the way I am - at any size. Fortunately for me, I don't love myself at this size. I am comfortable, but would rather be at a better, healthier weight. The start of my challenge I weighed 160. I want to get back to around 130 to 140. I want to look good and feel good not only for me but for Kirk. He deserves to have a beautiful woman by his side. The next reason is for my health. I have so many allergies, it actually feels good to take away all the stuff that causes me reactions. I have always been allergic to wheat and milk, but in my adult life, I was not sure what those reactions were anymore since they were incorporated in my daily life. I don't always feel the difference, but I can see it. I am not as swollen - my skin looks different, my throat and tonsils are not inflamed all the time and my digestive tract works a little bit better.
Lastly, I am doing it to help me get pregnant. I hit early menopause several years ago and have been tested over and over again just to be sure. Kirk and I researched all of our options and decided that we wanted to try In Vetro Fertilization (IVF). We have been planning this for a year and the time has finally come. Everything is in place now for us to move forward. We have chosen our oocyte (egg) donor, kirk has had all of his testing and I will be finishing my testing this week. If all goes right, I should be pregnant by mid September. I understand our chance are about 65%, but I will be thinking and manifesting it to be 100%. I need to stay positive and keep my mind and body optimistic. I will fill you in more on IVF the next go around.
Oh - and by the way - I have now lost 5 pounds and am gaining some good muscle tone. I even found a yoga class I really like. But it is only available for me once a week.
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